The Misadventures of Those Zany Poffo's

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Mr. Awesome... Awesome

If you read PWP, especially the Soup Du Jour, it is no secret how big of fans we are of Ken Kennedy. He, like Val Venis, has the total packaged. The difference is, WWE is actually using Kennedy to his potential. Wait, I take that back. Both are jobbing to Super Crazy. Anywho...

Ten days ago I wrote an article titled: Mainstream Media Misses the Mark. I did this mainly because I love alliteration. Baa-zing on the literary jokes!

Well, recently, PWP's resident hero stepped up to the plate again, and boy did he have a lot to say. Straight from Ken-Kennedy.com, here are his comments:

"Please GOD, I'm just BEGGING for someone who has actually wrestled in a WWE ring in the past decade besides Jericho, Bret Hart, John Cena, and Ted Dibiase to come forward on one of these shows and tell the world what's really going on. For these goofs, like Lanny Poffo? Ultimate Warrior? and Marc Mero???!! to repeatedly act as "experts" and "wrestler advocates" on the current situation is like having a frustrated ex-jock who rode the pine bench throughout his high school sports career give advice to Brett Favre on how to improve his game! It's ridiculous, insane, and it really makes me sick that these so called reporters like Bill O'Reilly, Nancy Grace, and Geraldo Rivera, call upon these silly bastards who are bitter and frustrated that their careers have ended to represent the WWE which of course makes all of us look like a bunch of babbling idiots who are all addicted to steroids, drugs, alcohol, etc.

THINGS ARE MUCH DIFFERENT THAN THEY WERE FIVE OR TEN OR TWENTY YEARS AGO! Most of the "expert", frustrated ex-wrestlers that they've had on the show came from an era where everyone wrestled every day and then went out and partied like rock stars until dawn, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, smoking cigarettes and marijuana, snorting cocaine, taking fistfuls of pills, and injecting massive amounts of steroids. They would take pills to go to sleep, snort coke or take speed to get up and do this day after day after day! This would not be even remotely tolerated in today's environment. We have a strict drug policy in place. The WWE's wellness program was designed and instituted by the same doctor who implemented the NFL and the NBA's substance abuse programs. Contrary to what somebody recently said on one of these "tabloid" shows the WWE's allowed levels are exactly the same as the NFL. (Someone, I can't recall exactly who said it, said that the WWE allowed a 10:1 Testosterone to Epitestosterone level, which is false. We have a 4:1 level exactly like the NFL and the NBA.) In fact, I knew of someone who took an over the counter supplement from GNC which he didn't know was on the banned list, which caused him to have an elevated testosterone level. This individual was suspended and fined because of it. We can't even take Ephedrine which is another legal supplement that can be bought at any gas station in the country. Since I've been with the company, I've seen the few people that did have problems with drugs either sent to rehab to try and help them overcome their addictions, (sent to one of the top rehab facilities in the country and paid for in full by the WWE) or be fired for repeat offenses. Look at the list of wrestlers who have prematurely passed away over the years, and most of them made the decision to live their lives this way. That's right, I said "made the decision" because we have this cool thing in the United States of America called "freedom of choice". I have the choice to quit my job if I don't like it, or if I feel that I'm on the road too much. I have the right to choose whether or not I want to break the law and use drugs. I have the right to choose between eating healthy food and exercising regularly and eating fast-food three times a day, not going to the gym, and becoming obese like a good majority of the citizens in this country. When will individuals be held accountable for their own actions? Will it ever happen, or will we always try and point the finger at someone else? Unfortunately as much as I respect the man, Superstar Billy Graham is ultimately responsible for the health problems he suffers from right now because of the choices he made in his career. I find it both sad and humorous that the man who many say is largely responsible for starting the whole "steroid craze" in pro-wrestling is now pointing the finger at the industry rather than blaming himself.

I, like everyone else in the company, have the luxury of being able to go home almost every week, play with my dog, hang out with my girlfriend, sleep in my own bed, and eat good home cooked food. This wasn't the case with these frustrated ex-wrestlers who are trying to grasp on to FIVE more minutes of fame and recognition.

I hear some of these guys talking about how the WWE doesn't have any type of benefits. I heard Johnny Grunge's widow on Nancy Grace saying that wrestling leaves you with nothing, and that two weeks after her husband was released from WCW that they lost their cars and their home. It apparently wasn't obvious to Nancy Grace, who is reportedly an extremely intelligent person, that they were obviously living outside of their means, and they weren't doing something that my parents taught me to do when I was a little kid……SAVE MONEY. This job pays well, but I know that it won't last forever. It's the same problem with pro athletes and actors in Hollywood who spend, spend, spend, like the money grows on trees and like it's always going to be there, and then falls flat on their faces when their careers are suddenly cut short. Who's fault? The team? The studio in Hollywood? I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy for people who don't save money and spend everything that they earn so they can impress everyone around them with all the NEAT THINGS that they own. As far as the having no health insurance thing goes, I've been seriously injured twice since I've been in the WWE. Every red cent has been paid for in full by the company, which is the case for any employee who is injured during a work or work-related event. Yes, I have my own supplemental insurance which is a bit expensive, but if WWE paid for it, I'm sure that, just like every other company in the country that offers health insurance to their employees, I would just be paid less, so it's a wash!

In the end, we are all responsible for our own actions. Saying that Vince McMahon is responsible for the deaths of the Benoit's is like saying that you and I are responsible for the deaths of Anna Nicole Smith and her son. The millions of people who tuned in every week to be entertained by "how funny" she was when she was all PILLED up and DRUNK, suddenly became the same people who acted SHOCKED and APALLED when she died of a drug overdose. Somebody, PLEASE, stop the insanity!!!!"

I dunno how you all feel about what you just read, but I think that it was totally awesome...

Awesome!!! More on This Story...

Appreciation of Genius: Updated w/ Video

For those of you who may not know, the man pictured to the right is Lanny Poffo. As "Leaping" Lanny Poffo he would recite poetry and through frisbees to the audience, as perhaps the most effeminate babyface the WWE has ever had, and that is taking into consideration Brutus Beefcake's mesh stockings.

Poffo later went on to become the Genius, and was credited as the official poet laureate of the WWE. Eventually, I think Heidenreich tried to unseat him, but he didn't have the goods. Take this peace of gold for instance:

"Behold the barber what's his name with scissors in his hands
intellectually inferior and totally outmanned
he wants to give my genius hairdo unaesthetic augmentation
so I can be the joke of this World Wrestling Federation
all his cuttin' and a struttin' may be quick enough for some
but I'm the world's smartest man and Beefcake's double dumb."

Recently Poffo squared off with Hannity and Colmes on the subject of the Chris Benoit Tragedy, and his remarks were priceless.

Hannity: "Lanny, it seems to be that we have some wrestlers on who still won't state the obvious, tell the truth, that it was widely known in the industry that these were commonly used, these steroids. Will you admit that they are?"

Lanny: "I didn't come here to besmirch the reputations of some very great men. I almost don't deserve to be here because I'm..."

Hannity: "How about tell the truth about a problem where these guys may be affected in a negative way where they become violent and maybe help save other people's lives and other people from violence?"

Poffo said, "I want to tell the truth. Steroids are used all over the board and they're the worst thing in the world and I'd like to get to the bottom of it, too."

Hannity becomes irritated and wants to focus specifically on wrestling. Poffo remarks it's used in bodybuilding and baseball. Hannity didn't ask about bodybuilding or baseball. Hannity wants to talk about about Poffo's experience in wrestling.

Hannity: "It's a simple question."

Poffo: "Yes, steroids are commonly used. However, I urinated in more cups in the World Wrestling Federation than I did urinals."

Hannity: "Thank you very much for that information."

Dumb bitch Debra McMichael Williams talks for a while, trying to get her money right. She now accuses Austin of putting a gun to her head and daring her to pull the trigger. Oh please, you dumb bitch. If it's true, you should have said something 7 years ago. Now back to the real story.

Colmes wants to know if Poffo took steroids. Lanny admits to doing them in May and June of 1989, and refers to it as his "summer of his discontent."

He then goes into details. Lanny Poffo had two "very bad side effects" from his experimentation with steroids. He said acne vulgarise and testicular atrophy. "Now I'm happy to say that my acne cleared up. You'll have to take my word for it that my testicular atrophy is back to normal." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Colmes tried to interrupt before the testicle update and asked if he experienced any mood changes.

Poffo: "I am the most benign man you've ever met. I'm a freak in that nature."

Colmes asked if he's seen mood swings in wrestling. Poffo said yes. Colmes asked for an example. Poffo said no. Colmes asked why, if he was trying to protect fellow wrestlers. Poffo said he's healthy, wealthy, and free and has nothing to hide. Colmes asked why not try to shed light on the subject and help people. Poffo said he wishes there were not steroids in the world. Colmes asked if what he saw matches what Debra has described. Poffo said, not exactly on topic, that if it looks too good to be true, it is. "There is a body you get from natural bodybuilding and there's a body you get from freakiness." Hannity and Colmes were literally speechless for a second, then cut to a break. When they return, Colmes asked if Poffo was aware of doctors who would overprescribe drugs for wrestlers.

Poffo: "No, I wasn't really in the loop. I was always the road less travelled. I always went my own way. I lived by a little bit of a saying, 'I'll be myself or I'll be by himself.'" He said most of the doctors he knows are very good. "The ones that hurt Judy Garland, the ones who hurt Elvis Presley, they're more vile the putrid slime that clings at the gates of hell."

Colmes: "It seems as if they protested too much and had to come forward and exonerate themselves from any implication," he said.

Poffo: "That was a Shakespearian quote from Hamlet." He said the guy who went nuts at Virginia Tech didn't have muscles, so everyone was talking about gun control. He said blame Benoit. He said it's a panacea to blame steroids.

Colmes: "But we're talking about a culture, though, in WWE where everybody says this is what I need to do to have the buffed up body appealing to the fans and a culture of doctors that are available to wrestlers who can get this type of medication. It's not an isolated incident like Virginia Tech. We're talking about a subculture here."

Poffo: "I'm 52 years old. It must be some kind of world record for a wrestler." He said he'd love to see something like this to cause something great to happen - a ban of steroids all around the world.

Hannity: "Look, I agree that everyone needs to be responsibile for their behavior. If somebody takes a drug and it impacts them negatively, the guy who commits the murder is still responsible, but it could have an impact. If there's a culture that condones it, to prevent future murders or abuse, we need to know the impact on steroids on people. That's fair?"

Poffo then said we need to talk about spousal abuse. "You don't deserve to live with somebody unless it enhances both of your lives," he said.

Hannity called Lanny "Larry." Lanny corrected him. Hannity asked what kind of punishment a doctor should face. "What's the difference between God and a doctor?

Poffo: For one thing, God doesn't think he's a doctor."

Hannity said, "This is about helping these guys bulk up, pump up, so they can win these matches, right?"

Poffo said the best eight years of his life were in the WWF and he's very happy and grateful he was in it, but wants to see steroids cleaned up, plus smoking, drinking, and drugs.

For years I thought that Randy was the greater of these two brothers, as Randy has always been, and always will be my favorite professional wrestler. However, Lanny is simply Genius! Enjoy these videos:

Part 1:


Part 2:
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