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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Appreciation of Genius: Updated w/ Video

For those of you who may not know, the man pictured to the right is Lanny Poffo. As "Leaping" Lanny Poffo he would recite poetry and through frisbees to the audience, as perhaps the most effeminate babyface the WWE has ever had, and that is taking into consideration Brutus Beefcake's mesh stockings.

Poffo later went on to become the Genius, and was credited as the official poet laureate of the WWE. Eventually, I think Heidenreich tried to unseat him, but he didn't have the goods. Take this peace of gold for instance:

"Behold the barber what's his name with scissors in his hands
intellectually inferior and totally outmanned
he wants to give my genius hairdo unaesthetic augmentation
so I can be the joke of this World Wrestling Federation
all his cuttin' and a struttin' may be quick enough for some
but I'm the world's smartest man and Beefcake's double dumb."


Recently Poffo squared off with Hannity and Colmes on the subject of the Chris Benoit Tragedy, and his remarks were priceless.

Hannity: "Lanny, it seems to be that we have some wrestlers on who still won't state the obvious, tell the truth, that it was widely known in the industry that these were commonly used, these steroids. Will you admit that they are?"

Lanny: "I didn't come here to besmirch the reputations of some very great men. I almost don't deserve to be here because I'm..."

Hannity: "How about tell the truth about a problem where these guys may be affected in a negative way where they become violent and maybe help save other people's lives and other people from violence?"

Poffo said, "I want to tell the truth. Steroids are used all over the board and they're the worst thing in the world and I'd like to get to the bottom of it, too."

Hannity becomes irritated and wants to focus specifically on wrestling. Poffo remarks it's used in bodybuilding and baseball. Hannity didn't ask about bodybuilding or baseball. Hannity wants to talk about about Poffo's experience in wrestling.

Hannity: "It's a simple question."

Poffo: "Yes, steroids are commonly used. However, I urinated in more cups in the World Wrestling Federation than I did urinals."

Hannity: "Thank you very much for that information."

Dumb bitch Debra McMichael Williams talks for a while, trying to get her money right. She now accuses Austin of putting a gun to her head and daring her to pull the trigger. Oh please, you dumb bitch. If it's true, you should have said something 7 years ago. Now back to the real story.

Colmes wants to know if Poffo took steroids. Lanny admits to doing them in May and June of 1989, and refers to it as his "summer of his discontent."

He then goes into details. Lanny Poffo had two "very bad side effects" from his experimentation with steroids. He said acne vulgarise and testicular atrophy. "Now I'm happy to say that my acne cleared up. You'll have to take my word for it that my testicular atrophy is back to normal." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Colmes tried to interrupt before the testicle update and asked if he experienced any mood changes.

Poffo: "I am the most benign man you've ever met. I'm a freak in that nature."

Colmes asked if he's seen mood swings in wrestling. Poffo said yes. Colmes asked for an example. Poffo said no. Colmes asked why, if he was trying to protect fellow wrestlers. Poffo said he's healthy, wealthy, and free and has nothing to hide. Colmes asked why not try to shed light on the subject and help people. Poffo said he wishes there were not steroids in the world. Colmes asked if what he saw matches what Debra has described. Poffo said, not exactly on topic, that if it looks too good to be true, it is. "There is a body you get from natural bodybuilding and there's a body you get from freakiness." Hannity and Colmes were literally speechless for a second, then cut to a break. When they return, Colmes asked if Poffo was aware of doctors who would overprescribe drugs for wrestlers.

Poffo: "No, I wasn't really in the loop. I was always the road less travelled. I always went my own way. I lived by a little bit of a saying, 'I'll be myself or I'll be by himself.'" He said most of the doctors he knows are very good. "The ones that hurt Judy Garland, the ones who hurt Elvis Presley, they're more vile the putrid slime that clings at the gates of hell."

Colmes: "It seems as if they protested too much and had to come forward and exonerate themselves from any implication," he said.

Poffo: "That was a Shakespearian quote from Hamlet." He said the guy who went nuts at Virginia Tech didn't have muscles, so everyone was talking about gun control. He said blame Benoit. He said it's a panacea to blame steroids.

Colmes: "But we're talking about a culture, though, in WWE where everybody says this is what I need to do to have the buffed up body appealing to the fans and a culture of doctors that are available to wrestlers who can get this type of medication. It's not an isolated incident like Virginia Tech. We're talking about a subculture here."

Poffo: "I'm 52 years old. It must be some kind of world record for a wrestler." He said he'd love to see something like this to cause something great to happen - a ban of steroids all around the world.

Hannity: "Look, I agree that everyone needs to be responsibile for their behavior. If somebody takes a drug and it impacts them negatively, the guy who commits the murder is still responsible, but it could have an impact. If there's a culture that condones it, to prevent future murders or abuse, we need to know the impact on steroids on people. That's fair?"

Poffo then said we need to talk about spousal abuse. "You don't deserve to live with somebody unless it enhances both of your lives," he said.

Hannity called Lanny "Larry." Lanny corrected him. Hannity asked what kind of punishment a doctor should face. "What's the difference between God and a doctor?

Poffo: For one thing, God doesn't think he's a doctor."

Hannity said, "This is about helping these guys bulk up, pump up, so they can win these matches, right?"

Poffo said the best eight years of his life were in the WWF and he's very happy and grateful he was in it, but wants to see steroids cleaned up, plus smoking, drinking, and drugs.

For years I thought that Randy was the greater of these two brothers, as Randy has always been, and always will be my favorite professional wrestler. However, Lanny is simply Genius! Enjoy these videos:

Part 1:


Part 2:

2 comments:

bradyhicks said...

I just talked to Lanny yesterday about it. He says he felt ambushed but at least his boobs are real.

Not even kidding lol. He's a really nice guy.

Tim Haught said...

I have never wanted to talk to a wrestler more than after reading the transcript of that interview. God bless him!