Months ago, Linda McMahon stated that professional wrestling was about to reach another boom period. So what creates these cycles?
Well, the first is simply talent. In the 1980's, Vince McMahon purchased the best superstars from every territory to create his national brand. The chance to see the best of the best from around the world together in something other than a Pro Wrestling Illustrated magazine was undoubtedly exciting, and Vince was printing money.
However, Vince seemed to forget something very important along the way. His business is with human beings. Human beings grow older. Human beings have wants and needs. Pretty soon the early nineties appeared, and many of those from the Rock N' Wrestling Generation had retired. Ted Turner purchased those remaining, much the way they were purchased by Vince a decade earlier.
In the meantime, Vince hadn't created any new stars. He had latched his wagon onto workhorses like Hulk Hogan and let them take him as far as they could pull. So when Hogan was gone, Vince had to turn to Bret Hart and Lex Luger to pull the weight. The results were less than thrilling.
In time, Razor Ramon, Diesel, and Shawn Michaels separated themselves from the pack as special talents. Ramon and Diesel were then lured away by the almighty dollar as well, but luckily for Vince, he had recently acquired the underappreciated former WCW talent Steve Austin, and there was a third generation superstar on the horizon.
Initially Vince stuck with his tired formula. The third generation superstar was called Rocky Miavia, and pushed down the throats of fans as an undeniable babyface. Austin was given the gimmick of the Ringmaster and the Million Dollar Belt to boot. Nothing was going to change ratings until Vince McMahon changed his philosophy.
A rumbling was taking place that would shake the core of professional wrestling. Paul Heyman took a group of WWE and WCW rejects, matched them up with guys no one had ever heard of, and created one of the most exciting products in wrestling history. When the cult following started to become a mainstream fanfare, Vince had the answer.
WWE Attitude took the audience back from WCW and created the second significant wrestling boom of the past 30 years. Much like when Vince McMahon had put all his eggs into Hogan's basket in the 80's, he was going to milk Attitude for all it was worth as the late nineties rolled into the new millennium.
If the Attitude Era were a large plentiful orange in 1997, WWE was still squeezing the hell out of it in 2006 in order to quench the fans thirst. Then one day, Vince woke up and looked at the talent around him. Steve Austin had retired. The Rock had left to go do movies. Mick Foley was not going to be flying off any cages. Instead a new crop of talent surrounded him. Bobby Lashley, Ken Kennedy, Umaga…
Vince decided the first thing to do was release Scotty 2 Hotty. After all, nothing screamed hanging on to 1997 like this guy still doing the Too Cool dance and the worm ten years later.
It was time to shake off a half decade of bad investments. Since the WWF became the WWE, Vince and company have put a great deal of time and money into guys that simply didn't pan out. The emergence of the NWO in the WWE didn't work because of injuries to Kevin Nash and the conduct of Scott Hall. Hulkamania was reignited, but only long enough to give him some big wins over guys like Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and Randy Orton, only to see him disappear again with no real benefit to the company.
For a full year Vince pushed Brock Lesnar on Smackdown and Goldberg on Raw. By the time their dream match was scheduled at Wrestlemania, both had decided that they were done with the WWE, and a retired Steve Austin got the rub from stunning them both on their departure.
WWE chose to let go of the Dudley Boyz. While their routine was admittedly tired, shouldn't they have put someone over on their way out for the future viability of the tag division? What about Christian and Chris Jericho? These guys were in the title picture at Summerslam and then gone before the Royal Rumble.
One can't miss prospect that WWE was looking to was Muhammed Hassan. After the time they put into making Hassan a true contender, he was drafted to Smackdown and then had to be removed from TV for a controversial angle.
It wasn't just the men's department where WWE was hurting. In a short period they lost three of their most established divas as well when Stacy Keibler, Trish Stratus, and Lita all said goodbye.
Just last year The Big Show quit after a lengthy run as ECW champion and a main event program with Degeneration X.
All of these releases as individual instances are not a big deal. All of them together, however, are pretty significant. Figure into that the deaths of Owen Hart and Eddie Guerrero, and you have a recipe for disaster.
It's actually quite impressive that WWE is doing as well as they are right now. With Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and the Undertaker as the corporate backbone, WWE was able to develop John Cena, Batista, Randy Orton, and more into this new crop of superstars.
However, just when things were looking up, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and the Undertaker go down to injuries. Following suit are Rey Mysterio, King Booker, and Ken Kennedy. Rob Van Dam leaves the company. Chris Benoit kills himself. Edge gets hurt. Bobby Lashley gets hurt. Then after Triple H, Mysterio, and the Undertaker come back, 10-12 superstars get Wellness-related suspensions. When those guys on the Wellness suspensions return, John Cena tears his pectoral muscle.
So John Cena is injured and smarks around the world are rejoicing as if the war in Iraq were finally over. I for one don't see the upside.
Say what you will about John Cena, and wrestling sites have about said it all ad nauseam, but John Cena has proven to be something special. His name on the marquee draws crowds, his image on cotton sells t-shirts, his persona both live and on television stays over, and his programs with Edge, Randy Orton, Triple H, Umaga, and others make for damn good wrestling television.
So what do people have to say about the heir-apparent to the WWE throne? He's no Hulk Hogan. He's no Steve Austin. He's no Rock. You know what? That's completely true.
Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, and The Rock are arguably the three biggest stars in the history of professional wrestling. John Cena has commonalities with all three men, but he certainly is not able to fill their shoes.
Like the Rock, Cena came into the WWE as a bluechipper. Fans didn't accept his babyface character, and he was quickly pushed into being a heel and developed his own personality. Like Steve Austin, John Cena became an ass-kicking anti hero, as his foul mouth and controversial actions only endeared him more to the WWE crowd. Like Hulk Hogan, he captured the imagination of children everywhere and became an almost unstoppable force.
What the Rock, Steve Austin, and Hulk Hogan had going for them is that they were allowed to be themselves with the volume turned way up. What John Cena has working against him is that he is expected to be some type of amalgamation of those who came before him.
When Randy Orton was kicked out of Evolution shortly after winning the WWE title, he suffered a similar fate. For months, Orton had developed his cocky legend killer character to the point that fans began to like it. When the time came to pull the trigger on Orton's inevitable babyface run, they placed him on the stage and gave him a Rock-esque promo to cut. It didn't work. Why? Well for starters, Randy Orton is not the Rock. He is Randy Orton.
When The Rock finally turned babyface, he did not magically turn into a new generation Hulk Hogan. He stayed true to who he was, and the fans ate that up. This was the character that fans had grown to love. No one wanted to hear The Rock telling us to train, say our prayers, and eat our vitamins.
The more over John Cena's rap character became, the more he got pushed in a direction where he had to fit a mold that was created before him. Cena has since abandoned the throwback jerseys, locks, and chains that brought him to the dance and has adopted the persona of being "The Marine," a role that was initially intended for Steve Austin.
When given mic time, Cena is rarely ever the brash arrogant kid we grew to love. He is often simply too goofy to be taken seriously. It's strange how the Rock can call Umaga a shriveled up monkey penis and it works, but when John Cena calls the Big Show poopy pants it doesn't. It's the same type of sophomoric humor, but it just rolls off The Rock's tongue more naturally.
Then again, I was 14 when I loved hearing the Rock say those things. I am now 24, and I would hope my sense of humor has evolved. Still, when the Rock makes his occasional appearance, I expect this from him and welcome it. When I see John Cena, I would prefer not to see a subpar rehash of places I have already been.
John Cena has had some fantastic matches in his career. Of course Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Edge, and Shawn Michaels had the ability to make anyone look like a million bucks, but Cena's recent Summerslam effort against Randy Orton should also serve to silence a lot of critics.
Cena's reputation as a hard worker is well documented. Often I think the criticism he gets for no-selling moves and having a tired predicatable offense is unwarranted, because I believe this is what he is instructed to do by the WWE higher-ups. If Vince McMahon wanted Cena to deliver a consistently better and more diverse in-ring product, I am sure he could step to the plate.
Case and Point: John Cena's injury is not a positive for professional wrestling. It is very much a negative. What Linda McMahon predicted to be a "boom" period for professional wrestling has become a period where the product is really suffering. Those who have enjoyed the most success due to circumstance thus far? The Great Khali and Hornswaggle. There is something wrong with that picture.
Every move that WWE makes right now is critical. Every signing, every release and every push is essential to sustaining the momentum the company had been building over the past year. Every booking, every storyline and every angle needs to be carefully constructed to maintain the relationships with fans who have tuned in over the past seven years to see people who may or may not be on their televisions due to a number of circumstances.
So in this sensitive time period that requires a great deal of focus, what is the WWE doing? A Teddy Long Viagra-induced heart attack and a Hornswaggle/Melina love story. These are two angles that take TV time, and don't build anyone with the ability to draw a dime or even result in a match.
They are building Santino Marella into one of the most interesting superstars on Raw. The problem? On the way there, they are going to further devalue their most underrated talent in Val Venis. Venis has the look, the charisma, and the in-ring ability, yet he is saddled with eternal job duty. What is Marella's ultimate destiny after getting the rub from Val? That's quite simple. He will receive kick-wham-stunner from an inactive Steve Austin. How does this elevate a new superstar? It doesn't.
Triple H gets to destroy Umaga, Carlito, Cade, and Murdoch. Who's next? Well most likely with Cena getting hurt, Orton will be thrown into this match at the pay-per-view and it will be made for the vacant WWE title. It is likely good ole' Trips will bury Orton too on the way to another long meaningless title run, and heck, while he has the belt, let him destroy Ken Kennedy too. What's the point of having something new to look forward to? Right WWE?
Speaking of something new to look forward to, how about Cody Rhodes. Oh yeah, that's right. He is jobbing to Bob Holly. The fans have never accepted Holly as more than a weak midcarder, so Rhodes losing to him on a weekly basis is especially damaging. You think Cody would get a better deal because of his daddy. I guess this is supposed to end with Rhodes earning Holly's respect. Whoopdee shit. I'd rather see Rhodes spit in his face and ask him why in the 15 years he's been in the WWE he hasn't had any real success. Then ask him why he's still going around calling himself Hardcore. In the last WWE Smackdown vs. Raw game, Lawler exclaims, "1998 called, they want their word back." Amen.
Even when Brock Lesnar legit injured Bob Holly, his return to get revenge garnered him no fan support. I am happy Holly beat his terrible staph infection, but that doesn't make him any less boring. Bob Holly never was a star and never will be one. I wish that WWE would wish him the best on his future endeavors, or throw him back on ECW where nothing matters anyways.
If those viral marketing promos are actually for Chris Jericho and not for the new and improved WWE.com featuring old school pics of Dusty Rhodes' valet Sweet Sapphire, wrestling fans around the world need to realize something. I said last week that no one man is going to save the WWE. I take that back. There actually is one guy that has that power. His name is Vince McMahon.
It is up to Vince McMahon and the WWE creative team to build intriguing storylines that make sense, attract viewers, and lead to an even bigger payoff. Until they get that process down, even a returning Chris Jericho is likely to be nothing to get excited about. In fact, he's just another guy for Triple H to run over while we all wait patiently for wrestling's next big boom period.
Chris O offered up his 30 man roster alternative to the WWE
World Championship Division
Sabu
CW Anderson
Rob Van Dam
The Sandman
Steve Corino
Bryan Danielson
Brent Albright
Marcus Cor Von
The Human Tornado
Lightweight Championship Division
Too Cold Scorpio
Austin Starr
Sean Waltman
Jushin Liger
Mistico
TAKA Michinoku
Ultimo Dragon
Matt Bentley
Jack Evans
Tag Team Championship Division
Kings of Wrestling: Chris Hero and Claudio Castagnoli
Jay Briscoe and Mark Briscoe
Joey Mercury and Christian York
The Mexicools: Psicosis and Juventud Guerrera
The Naturals: Chase Stevens and Andy Douglas
Cryme Tyme: JTG and Shad
My fed's roster kinda resembles the original ECW. In the World Title Division there are Originals such as Sabu, Sandman, and RVD. I have guys with technical prowess such as Danielson and Albright. I have a monster in Cor Von, and have Anderson and Tornado in there as heavyweight jobbers. My lightweights are stacked and should provide exciting matches like lightweights in the old ECW. My tag team division is a mix of indy teams like the Kings of Wrestling and the Briscoes, and ex-WWE or TNA teams like Cryme Tyme and the Naturals. If Heyman booked for this fed, it would be able to create a cult following. While it probably wouldn't compete with WWE, it can still be popular on a national stage.
Stephen Straka also gave his 30 man roster
A roster of 30 based on the free agents? Hoo boy.
The first thing I'm gonna do is divide the 30 into groups. 10 slots will be set aside for 5 established tag teams. 6 slots will be for the "devlopers", the type of guys you see winning tons on Heat but jobbing almost everywhere else. Hacksaw and Val Venis for example. Their primary role is to both test the incoming rookies and take under their wings the signed contract that still need some freshening up on the B-show. 1 of the tag team slots will be for this purpose as well. 7 slots will be for the upper-card wrestlers while 7 will be for an X-division.
Tag teams:
- La Resistence; I personally liked their gimmick and they're able to draw heat better than a lot of heels.
- Briscoe Bros.; duh. The only proviso is that they dress up as Mario and Luigi during Halloween episodes. Why? Why not?
- Cryme Tyme; sadly, I never got to see them in any matches aside from squashes but their skits are good for comedy value. Probably most liekly to be the B-show team but again, I haven't seen enough of them to tell.
- Basham Bros.; whatever you're gonna call them, they can be great in the ring if you let them be. Unfortunately, they were used as enforcers, which is never good for your in-ring work.
- Gymini is your "big" team.
Developers:
- Scotty! Even though he's at the tail end of his career, the fans still love the worm and I can see him tearing up the B-show in my promotion.
- Ace Steel; again, getting along in years but still more than capable of main-eventing the B-show. He can also double as a trainer/manager for someone who has a boxing/MMA gimmick given his training ofthe Second City Saints.
- Eugene; it's sad that he never got a chance outside the retard gimmick. I'd probably let him go back to being Mr. Wrestling and make him the heel developer.
-
X-Division:
- Essa Rios!
- TAKA Michinoku!
- Human Tornado!
- Ultimo Dragon!
- Jushin "Thuder" Liger!
- Yuji Nagata!
- Zach Gowen!
In case you haven't figured it out, this will probably be the equivilent of WCW's cruiserweight scene. Lower in the card and don't expect much for English promos but damn if the matches aren't gonna be exciting! Human Tornado gets to be Ken Masters for Halloween. SHOOOORYUKEN!
Upper card:
- Bryan Danielson; DUH
- RVD; ALSO DUH. Robbie V can also do double-duty in the X-division if there's injury or he's not doing anything.
- Mistico; can also slide into the X-division if neccessary
- Big Show and
- Giant Bernard are your monster heels. They can also do double-duty as a monster heel tag team if neccessary.
- Sylvester Terkay; is most likely to have Ace Steel as his trainer/manager
- Brent Albright and
- Monty Brown to round things out
Ideally my promotion would have a Raw/Heat deal with the A and B-shows. The A-show would be two ohurs long so as to give everyone enough exposure.
Karl Belanger checked in with this note on Pierre-Carl Ouellet
Just a quick note on Pierre-Carl Ouellet. He is now a color commentator for the TNA shows on RDS (Quebec's equivalent to ESPN or TSN). He's actually not too bad and way more tolereable than Lawler.
Last week, to my surprise, there was actually a 3 way match shown with him, Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles on the TNA broadcast that took place in Ottawa (not shown on TNA's regular boradcast obviously). He still looks great despite his age and can still work a crowd quite well. I always really liked him in the Quebecers and was always amazed at how well he could move for a big man. WWE wants their version of Samoa Joe? He'd be the perfect guy (much more so than Umaga I feel).
More on This Story...
Thursday, October 04, 2007
The Cyclical Wrestling Business
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
The Big Boom Theory
Weeks ago, I was perusing the internet for wrestling news, much as I would on any other day. This has become a part of my routine, not necessarily because I want it to be, but because the current landscape of professional wrestling demands it.
There was a time when rifling off the complete title histories of all the major WWE belts was impressive. There was a time when knowing that Goldust was Dustin Rhodes and Kama was Papa Shango without ever reading it on a dirt sheet made you impressed. However, since about 1996, you couldn't begin to consider yourself a real wrestling fan unless you could keep up with the ever-growing population of smart marks.
To be honest, there are times when I would prefer it the old way. When someone jumped to a new promotion, just the shock and surprise would be enough to make that a moment.
Not to say that Chris Jericho's debut on "Raw" wasn't one of the greatest "Raw" moments ever. I just think I would have appreciated it more if I hadn't known it was coming for months in advance. I digress.
When I was looking through the dirt sheets, I came across a statement, either by Vince or Linda McMahon stating that pro wrestling was about to reach another boom period. It almost pains me that the owners of the only real major wrestling company in the United States are so accepting of the business' cyclical nature, but what can you do?
In the 80's, Vince stood atop the world with the greatest superstars from every territory and built an unstoppable national brand. When Ted Turner bought that talent away from him, Vince created new superstars with a more edgy up-to-date attitude, and took his audience back. These are the periods that fans of today really look back on with a great deal of sentiment. Whether it's Hogan slamming Andre or Austin throwing the Rock's belt off a bridge, these are the moments you always remember and these are the superstars you will never forget.
If the Attitude Era were a large plentiful orange in 1997, WWE was squeezing the hell out of it still in 2006 in order to quench the fans' thirst. For the first time, however, they now seem like they are ready to move on. The most telling example? In my opinion: the recent release of "SmackDown!" superstar, Scotty 2 Hotty. Nothing screamed hanging on to 1997 like this guy doing the Too Cool shtick ten years later.
Since the name change (from Federation to Entertainment), WWE has put a great deal of time and money into a number of guys who wouldn't pan out. WWE's NWO was a short-lived storyline due to injuries to Kevin Nash and the conduct of Scott Hall. Hulk Hogan has been in and out enough to defeat some of the more consistent WWE superstars, but at what benefit to the company when he disappears again?
For a full year, Goldberg and Brock Lesnar were at the top of there respective brands until they both decided to leave at the same time. The Rock, the brightest star from the Attitude Era who could still compete, retired to pursue his movie career. WWE chose to let go of the Dudley Boyz, who admittedly had a tired routine, but were the only real established tag team left in the company. Chris Jericho and Christian were in the title picture at SummerSlam and then were gone before Royal Rumble.
WWE put a lot of time into establishing Muhammed Hassan, but Hassan quit after his controversial storyline on network TV called for his removal from TV. Kurt Angle, one of WWE's top guys took his release and ran to Orlando. Then WWE lost its three most established divas: Stacy Keibler, Trish Stratus and Lita. The last really big name to quit is The Big Show. Any of these releases alone, not a big deal. All of them together? Pretty significant. And no wrestling fan can fail to figure in the deaths of Owen Hart and Eddie Guerrero as well.
Looking at the names listed above and the efforts WWE has put into many of those guys over the past seven years, it's amazing they are doing as well as they are right now. Almost every single person listed was a poor investment by the company.
However WWE brushed that dirt off their shoulder, and looked to Triple H, Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker to be the workhorses while developing guys like John Cena, Batista, Randy Orton and most recently Bobby Lashley and Ken Kennedy.
However, right when Vince and company are ready for "the new boom period" in professional wrestling with this new crop of talent, the three aforementioned workhorses all go down to injury. Along with them are Rey Mysterio, King Booker, Ken Kennedy and Gregory Helms. All of this taking place while Rob Van Dam is heavily rumored to be on his way out the door.
In the aftermath, we are essentially seeing the dissolution of the brand extension, with superstars frequently crossing TV show borders. The shake up to the "Raw" brand has been astronomical, as the main storylines from the past year include DX VS. The Big Show or Rated RKO, and now none of those guys are active. John Cena has carried the weight as champion, but his number one antagonist, Edge has left to go to "SmackDown!" and carry the ball. What do wrestling fans get out of that? This past Monday's "Raw".
It's hard to be tough on WWE considering all the circumstances they are dealing with currently. Reading that the difference between a fan of wrestling and a mark is that a mark never asks questions might be a fairly accurate statement, but a fan of wrestling should also take into consideration what exactly has lead to the current product they are being fed.
So wrestling fans are forced to look at the evolution of Bobby Lashley. As Lashley prepares for his ECW World Title street fight with Mr. McMahon at One Night Stand, it's hard to forget that Lashley wasn't even originally intended for the hair VS. hair Battle of the Billionaires at WrestleMania 23. The WWE brass wanted Hogan VS. The Big Show in a recreation of Hogan's triumphant victory over Andre the Giant at WrestleMania III.
With major superstars dropping like flies around him, you would think that WWE would be nervous about putting Lashley in the ring four times in one night. What happens if Lashley suffers a similar fate? Under the circumstances, what can WWE really do?
Call me a mark, but I have to admit, I wasn't really turned off by Lashley on "Raw" this past week. His match against Chris Masters told a great story. Masters was looking for revenge because of Lashley breaking his Masterlock. I really appreciated that when Masters hooked the move, Lashley's only escape was the ropes. This was in the first match of the gauntlet, so being fatigued wasn't an excuse. It would have been okay to have Lashley, the one guy that broke the move before, break it again, but they went a different route, and Masters looked good in the match. Even in a loss, he was reestablished a bit.
Viscera is another who looked good in his match. Obviously he wasn't going to win, but he took Lashley to his limit. It was all reminiscent of Randy Savage going through the World Title tournament at WrestleMania IV. Lashley's match with Shane was great too. Shane always shows that he has the goods in the ring. So much so that I could deal if HE were the ECW champ and not his dad. The Hurricane DDT and the constant working of the back that made Lashley's powerslam ineffective were both highlights.
It almost seems that Vince has a vendetta against Brock Lesnar for leaving. It seems as though he is trying to send a message week in, week out that he could have done what he did with Brock with any man. You know Bobby Lashley is making a lot of money, and I have to think that even though Brock wasn't big on the schedule, that he second guesses himself while he's getting potato'ed in the mush by his sparring partners.
Still, while every Lashley match was decent on "Raw" this week, he is not the type of draw that makes that work. It is not the same as Triple H running the gauntlet on "SmackDown!" years ago. How do I know? Because TBS was showing "Family Guy" reruns and ION was showing "The Wonder Years", and I spent more time flipping back and forth between those shows than I did actively watching "Raw". HBK and Edge were two of the best reasons to watch the show, and with both gone, WWE needs to find a better filler than "The Bobby Lashley Variety Hour".
What was meant to be a "boom" has turned into a period where it's not so great to be a wrestling fan. It's a time where dirt sheet reports are full of injuries, surgeries and releases. It's a period where guys with poor conduct like Randy Orton, or poor workrate like Mark Henry and The Great Khali, are being rewarded by circumstance. Vince McMahon has held dynamite in his hands. Instead of the fireworks he expected, it exploded in his face. A lot of his top guys at the moment aren't getting any younger, and the ones that are still young have not had enough time to develop in the ring or maturity-wise.
Every move that WWE makes right now is critical. Every signing, every release and every push is essential to sustaining the momentum the company had been building over the past year. Every booking, every storyline and every angle needs to be carefully constructed to maintain the relationships with fans who have tuned in over the past seven years to see people who will likely not be on their televisions this summer.
What is WWE's best option? In my opinion, it is the elevation of Chris Benoit back to main event status and a lengthy, very personal feud with Edge over the World Heavyweight title. Then possibly when Triple H, The Undertaker, HBK, Ken Kennedy, Rey Mysterio and King Booker all return, we can rig the explosives right this time and kick off the next real boom period in professional wrestling.
More on This Story...
Friday, April 13, 2007
From the Vault: Lugerman
Mmmhh
You high baby?
Cause you are gonna have to be for this one
You want me to tell you somethin?
Too Bad, Listen Anyways
I know what you wanna hear...
I know you want me back
I want to come back too
I know you love me baby
I think I love you too
I'm here to save this thing
Let me back in the ring
Ratings will grow I tell you
Let my return unfurl
You know you want me baby,
You know I want you too,
They call me Lugerman,
I'm here to rescue you,
I wanna save you fans,
Here's Flexy Lexy's Plan...
They call me Lugerman
Leapfrog Flair in a single bound
I'm out of work now
Got no ring to bump in now
Cause WWA doesn't really count
In the scheme of things
Even though it's got Sting
A WWE Ring
It makes me sing
Lugerman here to say Bling Bling
You can jump on Luger's Dingaling
Shoot from the hip
Cut to the chase
I'll tell Hulk Hogan to his face
No Political Games
Based on Names
ever since I heard smarks say workrate
I'm a different man
Get on my back
I'll grab your face
You'll feel my rack
Take the forearm
Take your bumps flat
Total Package gonna whoop your ass
You won't sell, I'll make you sell
I won't sell?, Hey, oh well...
That's just swell, far as I can tell
You Job to me or GO TO HELL
Am I over enough to main event
It doesn't matter, go get bent
What you don't like hearing lexy vent
I'll get with your bitch and pitch a tent
The one thing about this rhyme
WWE signs names all the time
Saturday through Sunday Monday
This Sunday why not mine
It's Wrestlemania time
Wouldn't I be a nice suprise
I bulked up specifically to catch Vince's eye
Cause I can't be your Lugerman
Can't be your Lugerman
Can't be your Lugerman,
Can't be your Lugerman,
I can't be your Lugerman,
Can't be your Lugerman,
Can't be your Lugerman,
Your Lugerman, your Lugerman...
Don't get me wrong,
I love The Rock
It's no secret,
I want to suck his cock
Can't we fuck?
Stone Cold says what?
That's the way a good catch phrase goes,
It's not the end,
I'll be back again,
I'll go to every indy show scouts attend,
Never know what kind of shape i'll be in,
That's how I plan to get to the fed,
Vince has to want me back,
I love Triple H,
I could be in that stable with him and Naitch,
Batista disappeared without trace,
And Randy Orton is hurt,
Oh hell you put me in the place of Kurt,
I could work Brock Lesnar oh,
On the biggest stage of them all a sold out show
Wrestlmania Ten wasn't that long ago
I headlined then and jobbed to Yoko
The one thing about this rhyme
WWE signs names all the time
Saturday through Sunday Monday
This Sunday why not mine
It's Wrestlemania time
Wouldn't I be a nice suprise
I bulked up specifically to catch Vince's eye
Please Let Me Be Your Lugerman
Let me be your Lugerman
One more time your Lugerman
Your Lugerman, Your Lugerman
More on This Story...
Monday, April 02, 2007
From the Vault: Dirk Ciglar Should Be in the Fed?
I am a fairly popular guy around these parts. I mean, for the most part, my opinions are well respected, and people seem to genuinely see me as a nice guy. I've had some decent conversations in person with some of you, others of you online. I was given a live journal and am occasionally invited into gimmick chat. For the most part, "The Onslaught" is in.
However, there are times when concerns with making people happy have overshadowed my opinions. Well, this Live Journal entry should shatter that. After reading this, you may not like me as much or value what I have to say as much. I honestly do not care. What is to follow my friends, is a shoot...
All I hear all the time is that Dirk Ciglar should be in the fed. Much the same way I am told that Brock Lesnar is the "Next Big Thing", certain times ideas are shoved down your throat to the point where you either accept them, or resent them.
Well, I refuse to accept the notion that Dirk Ciglar should be in the fed. Why, you ask?
Is it that he isn't talented enough? No
Is it that he doesn't have the look? No
Today, while bored at work, I took a gander at the ECWA site. No, not the fake on with Julio and Hamrick. The real fucking deal East Coast Wrestling Association.
I am peering through the roster, and I am like holy shit. This sounds incredible. Then, the more I think about it, I realize that the only members of the roster I have seen are Crowbar, Christopher Daniels, Simon Diamond, Pete Gas, and Low-Ki.
Then I look at names like Abunai, American Dragon, Scoot Andrews, Red, Cheetah Master, Charlie Haas, Prince Nana, and Reckless Youth.
I have never seen one of these guys work ever, but I am told relatively everywhere that these guys are good.
Now, are the writers of PWI, the makers of Promotion Wars, and the writers of Wrestling News Sites attending every damn wrestling show to see first hand that these guys are good? It's doubtful.
I live in Wheeling, West Virginia, one hour away from Pittsburgh, and facts are, I knew who these guys were long before I heard of Jimmy Vegas, Dirk Ciglar, or Brandon K. In many ways that is very sad.
So I wonder, why doesn't Dirk, Brandon, and anyone else who Pittsburgh believes to be fed worthy making headlines in major magazines, on the internet, or even in simple games that wrestling fans are playing? Simple. Lack of good promotion.
I am one who strongly believes that bringing in Nova is not worth the money. It's much more impressive to make your own stars, or find your own indy standouts.
Dirk Ciglar is a very talented individual. Why is he not an indy standout? As much as I have never seen Scoot Andrews, chances are your ECWA fans have not seen Dirk Ciglar. Why haven't they heard about him yet?
What would make Vince McMahon choose Dirk Ciglar over any of the aformentioned ECWA wrestlers.
Pro Wrestling Express has Jimmy Vegas, Dirk Ciglar, Brandon K, Mad Mike, Zubov, The New Freebirds, Paul Atlas, Quinn Magnum and many others who's names should be being talked about and heard in other areas besides McKeesport. I have a cousin in Pittsburgh who is a wrestling fan who has never heard any of these names.
Pro Wrestling Express has a great young up and coming roster consisting of Nikita Allenov, The Premiere Players, Sterling, Devin Devine, and Lance Dayton.
Give me one reason Lance Dayton couldn't be the next AJ Styles.
One big difference between PWX and IWC, is that the wrestlers that Norm actually has that he really cares about, get press. Super Hentai being a good example. If it is believed so strongly that Dirk should be in the fed, why is his name not popping up in the places that Hentai's is?
PWX has an infastructure that seems to feature young vs. young and old vs. old. I think that Lance Dayton should be wrestling Brandon K and getting some much needed experience that could turn him into a standout. Sterling, Justin Idol, Devin Devine need put in there with the guys that can teach them things.
The PWX roster is very heavy right now. Maybe it is time to cut strings with those that haven't shown they have what it takes to be on a PWX show. When you can book a card featuring the young talent PWX has, Atlas, Zubov, Dirk, Brandon, Quinn, Vegas and others, why water down the rest of the card with people that make even the other wrestlers cringe.
Realize every time you are in the back thinking, here comes a shitty match, the fans are thinking that 10 fold. I know a lot of guys were loyal in rough times with PWX, but the roster has gotten so big with APWF, Glenn Spectre, Justin Idol, and Jimmy Vegas all coming in at once.
I wish that if I was a fan in Wheeling, West Virginia, 60 miles from Pittsburgh, I could hear about Axel Law, Nikita, Zubov, Dirk, Brandon, and Vegas in depth the way I hear about the Backseats, Andrews, Abunai, and the American Dragon.
There is no reason right now that PWX shouldn't be beating the shit out of IWC. PWX has an awesome full time roster of PWX guys. They need pushed as if they were names being brought in, marketed as if they were names being brought in. Come see Dirk Ciglar and PWX action.
The loyal fan base of PWX may be good enough for you, but it's not for me. Not anymore. Not when you have a roster like you have now. There is no reason that Looney Lenny, Grimace, Paula Heyman, and that crazy riddlin kid should be the only people who know about these wrestlers.
It is time for PWX to make itself known. For the wrestlers to make themselves known. PWX has all the potential in the world to be what ECWA has become. Yet the only mentions I ever hear are straight results on sites. Dirk Ciglar defeated Crusher Hanson. Not Dirk Ciglar amazed crowds with his aerial skills in a defeat over Crusher Hanson. (I know that sounds kind of lame, but it's trying to make a point). I get mentions of Jim Miller on TNA, and the Hashimoto title win from December 15th.
I think rather than talk about who needs to go to the fed, you should work on who needs to be on TNA. The Jarretts have taken Low-Ki who wrestles occasionally around here. Who is gonna tell Jeff and Jerry about Brandon, Dirk, Jimmy, and the rest???
When it was time to get a tag team, was it Brandon and Dirk or was it York and Matthews? When it was time to get muscle, was it Spellbinder or Vegas?
No offense to Jim, but the wrong man is going down for these TNA tapings. He should at least have a few guys in the car with him.
Should Ciglar be in the fed? Maybe...
Should Ciglar be more than he is right now? Hell yes.
Should PWX be better than what it is right now? Hell yes.
When your talent isn't known within an hour of you, and you are that good, it is a sad state of affairs. Get the word out, or get the f out!
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Tuesday, November 21, 2006
The Return of Crash TV
Vince Russo has returned to wrestling, bringing back a formula he popularized during the late 90's wrestling boom, Crash TV. Under the watchful eye of a supervisor like Vince McMahon, Russo thrived.However his exploits since have led many to wonder exactly how much of the success of the Attitude Era can be attributed to Russo. The more power and control given to Russo without someone like McMahon to keep him in check usually meant more mind-numbing garbage for wrestling viewers to struggle through. So the question I pose is, how much "Impact" can TNA have with Vince Russo in charge?
****Warning: Spoilers Ahead****
It should have been the greatest night in TNA history up to this point. TNA was about to go prime time, and this was no reference to Elix Skipper. After four long years, this was the opportunity these guys had been waiting for. TNA was no stranger to new audiences. After making moves from Nashville to Orlando, Pay Per View to Fox Sports Net, and Fox Sports Net to Spike TV, TNA has had to reestablish their show for different audiences over and over again.
For this reason alone there was great reason to have faith in the product TNA would provide on this night, but TNA had an ace up their proverbial sleeve. In addition to their strong core of talent they had built over the past four years, they had just procured one of the most valuable talents in the wrestling business from their main competitor. TNA had signed a multi-time former world champion and olympic gold medalist, Kurt Angle, and on this night, he would make his in-ring debut.
The show begins with several of TNA's hottest home-grown commodities. LAX, AMW, and Samoa Joe highlight the beginning of the broadcast. Joe, who has been undefeated for 18 months may not look resemble the prototype of what the future of this business has been believed to be in the past, but he certainly has made a connection with fans.
Based on their styles, he is the perfect opponent for Kurt Angle. TNA recognizes this, but rather than create a slow build that ends with big money, they give it a little over a month to develop, and throw it on the Genesis Pay-Per-View, referring to it as the "Dream Match of the Decade."
It is hard to argue that Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle is one of the most highly anticipated matches of the year in either promotion. It may be the most highly anticipated match in TNA history. Still, this decade has presented such highly anticipated matches as NCAA Champion Brock Lesnar vs. Olympic Champion Kurt Angle, Best of the 90's Shawn Michaels vs. Best of the New Milennium Kurt Angle, as well as Hogan vs. The Rock and Hogan vs. Shawn Michaels.
This is not to make an argument that TNA should reference the competition (although they have proven time and time again that they love doing so) or that they shouldn't pull out all the stops to put their own product over, but still, whether casual fan or smart mark, the idea that this is the "Dream Match of the Decade" seems a bit contrived, especially with rumors of a Hogan/Austin match surfacing every so often. In reality, it's not the dream match of the decade. Angle himself has been in two bigger in the last 5 years.
In the meantime Kevin Nash is in the bathroom with Austin Starr and Alex Shelley. We later find out that Nash is naked, as he does his most tiresome promo since the dying days of WCW. Unfunny and uninteresting.
At the end of the show Nash namedrops Shawn Michaels in his promo. If only this was the only reference to HBK on the show. As Kazarian is in the process of cutting a promo about himself, Matt Bentley, and Johnny Devine, we get a very confusing TNA-tron for the Voodoo Kin Mafia, which I wrongly assume will be the name of the movement Kazarian is referring to.
Instead, it turns out to be BG James and Kip James, who are "back in black" after quitting a week earlier. It seems they are spinning their wheels as new shirts and bandanas, and a really hideous dye job to Kip's hair don't appear to be the answers to their struggling careers. It's obvious where this is going, as it doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize that VKM are Vince's initials. Wrestling is famous for these types of ribs. Virgil, Ted Dibiase's slave shares his gimmick name with American Dream Dusty Rhodes' real name. Later when he moves to WCW, he is renamed Vincent. They spit the names Paul Levesque, Michael Hickenbottom, and Vince McMahon in an awkwardly forced attempt to be controversial.
Let me bring some war to Brian James Armstrong and Monty Sopp. If you are going to talk about Degeneration X, talk about their history in correct terms. Degeneration X was created while The Roadie was attempting to live off the fact that it was he who really sang, "With My Baby Tonight" and while Billy Gunn was managed by the Honky Tonk Man and billed as Rockabilly. Both men should have probably been released, but it was decided to throw them together. I give them both a lot of credit for making something out of nothing.
However, I give Vince McMahon more credit. Later, as singles wrestlers Vince again tried to make something out of nothing by pushing them both, even going so far as making Gunn a King of the Ring winner. However, his sheer athleticism which was always pushed by Jim Ross would never allow him to break through to become a bigger superstar. He remained on the WWE roster longer than most, and was repackaged all the way from a Smokin Gunn to being "The One."
At one point his theme music said he was an Ass Man, but he proved he could be even gayer with tag partner Chuck. What does he have for his long and moderately successful WWE run? A lot of bitterness. The New Age Outlaws were able to get over in WWE, and due to Shawn Michaels back injury and a returning X-Pac, they were able to get a run in Degeneration X. With a few catchy phrases and the ability to leech off of something that the fans already supported, they had a great run.
In TNA under a multitude of names, gimmicks, and storylines, they have not been able to get over. That my friends, is no fault of Vince McMahon, Paul Levesque, or Michael Hickenbottom. The angle seems amatuerish, and the unhealthy obsession of the Voodoo Kin Mafia on their more successful counterparts up in Stamford makes the whole TNA product look second rate.
Christian Cage and Rhino attempt to save the show with a fantastic, albiet overbooked, cage match. Bolt Cutters, Strait Jackets, and Chairs, Oh My! They use a fairly standard finish, used by Snuka/Muraco and Austin/McMahon. Still, it looked great. These guys are what's right about TNA right now, but the problem is, they are WWE midcarders. Don't get me wrong, I like them both. I am a huge Christian fan. Still, no matter how much I wished for him to be a World Champion over the years, when he finally got his chance, the fans lamed out and the reign went flat.
Styles, Daniels, and Sabin wrestle next. Daniels wins the X title by pinning Sabin while AJ is outside dealing with Christian Cage, who by all means shouldn't be able to even walk. Russo thinks the best thing for the X Division is turning Sabin and Styles heel apparantely. He also is fond of jobbing out Sabin.
We then go to some remote location where LAX is ready to burn the flag. They hand the blow torch to Petey, which I love, because it seemingly is them wanting to commit the dirtiest of deeds, but pass the actual responsibility off to Williams. Williams then goes on to give one of the lamest speeches I have ever heard, proving he is no Patrick Henry. Hell, he's not even "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. It will always be a concern to me what would have happened had Williams not been handed the blow torch.
Would he have had his opportunity to go all Susan Powter and stop the madness? LAX gives him the beatdown. Then, lacking any true emotion, and appearing pre-taped, Tenay gives us a monologue that was better rehearsed than most plays I have seen.
I guess you can't spell Tenay without TNA, but you should be able to find two asses to fill seats for a national primetime broadcast who are better than Tenay and West. Tenay has long been an IWC favorite because he knows the names of moves and recognizes things that have Mexican and Japanese origin, but Tenay is incapable of generating the proper amount of emotion to get anything over.
One can assume that Tenay's boring demeanor is the reason for the hiring of Don West, who can best be described as being constantly on a bender. Stop screaming at me you big fat oaf. You almost make me miss Mark Madden. Ok, that was a little harsh. What would be wrong with having Cornette and Scott Hudson in the booth. At least with them we might be able to get past the Tony Schavonie "This is the most important night in wrestling history" schpiel that Tenay seemingly picked up and passed along to West. Tenay is wrestling's smartest dose of dramamine, and West is a caffiene-infused idiot. Those who thought the two would make a great pair were sadly mistaken.
West is so idiotic, you might have thought he was booking this garbage. No, that honor is all Russo's. Number one contender Abyss vs. the debuting Kurt Angle. Some would think you have to give them props for actually giving us a finish. The finish? Put the debuting Angle over the number one contender.
Yeah Yeah, I know, it's Kurt F'N Angle. Regardless, Abyss needs to be built as a serious contender to the World Heavyweight title to help sell this pay per view on Sunday, and it's hard to believe it when he's losing on Thursday night. He didn't just lose even. He tapped out.
Ah, but wait, we still got Joe vs. Angle to anticipate, right? Wrong. We get it right here on free tv, three nights before the PPV. Joe loses credibility by teaming with Abyss to handle an already beaten and tired Kurt Angle. This is obviously to set up Sting taking out Abyss, but still... Sting chases off Abyss, as Joe hooks submission moves on a lifeless angle. Backstage, in one of the most assinine moments I have ever seen, Sting is now hanging upside down in some sort of cartoon bear trap while Abyss is gently hitting him with a baseball bat. Wow, craptastic.
On to Genesis:
Before the PPV, Robert Roode loses to Eric Young. Pre-Russo, they were going in the right direction. He was a hot free agent, with various managers courting him, a throwback to my favorite wrestler ever, "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Lance Storm had his fair share to say about TNA's shoddy booking on his website in reference to this Roode angle. He ends up choosing Traci Brooks, and since has basically become a jobber. He now has dissention with Brooks. Who cares? Roode deserves better.
VKM squashes the newly repackaged New Movement. Well, that was a waste... They use HBK and Triple H's moves. Well, whoopdee crap. This angle is horrible, and can't possibly go anywhere that gives VKM or TNA for that matter the upper hand. For those who think Vince, DX, or WWE should acknowledge this on their shows, you are crazy. WWE would generate twice the audience TNA already has for them if a third of their casual audience flipped the channel because someone chose to acknowledge them.
DX has bigger fish to fry in the form of Edge and Orton. They have no reason to worry about VKM. It would be the equivalent of being 30 and hearing that some dude you went to high school with was talking shit because you stole his girlfriend 15 years ago. Just the mere fact that DX blows it off makes them look big time compared to VKM.
Later that night, Christian Cage defeats AJ Styles, and Styles continues his heel turn. Didn't Russo attempt this with Styles last time he was there, and didn't it fail? Didn't Russo also turn Goldberg for the sake of turning Goldberg? AJ's style won't work for a heel wrestler, and I don't see them toning him down any. Him and Daniels are more interesting as rivals than enemies.
Russo is grasping at straws to present the type of product he is used to, which is face vs. heel. That will involve throwing a lot of shit at the wall til something sticks, and that could involve a lot of failed heel and face turns that seemingly make no sense.
LAX defeats AMW, but it's all for not. AMW could be tag champs, but not LAX. Cornette comes out and strips them for attempting to burn the flag and beating up Petey Williams. If they don't hand over the belts, they will be fired. If wrestling were real, LAX would say F U to TNA and take the belts up north and lay them at Vince McMahon's feet. Normally this wouldn't matter, but this is coming from a company who loves worked shoots and loves referring to the WWE constantly.
Abyss defeats Sting via DQ, but becomes TNA champion. This is such a lackluster way for someone who has been with TNA for so long and has been so deserving to win the title. This is worse than Kane winning the belt and losing it the next day. I understand that this is a TNA rule, but no one will accept a champion that wins the title under these circumstances as being a true champion ever.
Even if Abyss holds the belt for two years, we will remember that he won it because Sting got disqualified. Now, in the first PPV after the relaunch, we have two titles marginalized. Three if you count the fact that Daniels didn't actually beat former champion Styles to win the X Division belt, but won it in a three way by pinning Sabin.
Now it was time for what is supposed to redeem this show. The intrigue is somewhat lost as the match was booked immediately upon Angle's arrival to TNA, Joe has basically been turned heel, and they basically were able to go for 20 minutes on free TV three days before, showing how they would counter each other's finishers and the like.
Joe didn't pass out while in the Ankle Lock, or even get pinned in a quick roll up. He definitively tapped out to the ankle lock. What if Joe had not given up, but could not continue? I know it's Kurt Angle, but regardless, this feud should have been booked to make money. TNA's insistance on instant gratification was a huge mistake.
Now, the great thing about TNA is that you can see into their future, up to three weeks, and while attempting to spare specific details so the show remains interesting, I do want to highlight some of the Crash TV that TNA is dishing out this month.
Highlight the following if you wish to read it:
- Sting is booked as Jesus Christ, as his disqualification is the equivalent of Jesus destroying the marketplace in the church before he was crucified. He will spend the next three weeks trying to show Abyss the light.
- Christian Cage comes to the ring in full Sting gear and mask, leaving us to wonder where in the hell the Sting Gear Warehouse for Wrestlers is located, as this is like the millionth time someone has worn his exact stuff to the ring. Russo loves dressing guys up as Sting, but he's not the first.
- Eric Young wears a turkey suit. Hooray for the Gobbledy Gooker.
- Eric Young, the misfit of TNA, defeats "wrestling's hottest prospect" Robert Roode again!
- All American Boy Petey Williams and Jim Cornette sing the Star Spangled Banner together. There is a lot of junk about flags to come.
- It is announced that Joe and Angle will meet again, and again it will be rushed to the next Pay Per View.
- The Voodoo Kin Mafia spends their frequent flyer miles to cut a promo in Stamford. Get over it guys, seriously.
- The first two weeks main events end in no contests. Russoriffic!
- We refer to Abyss by his real name, thus breaking kayfabe on one of the only characters in wrestling with any mystery to him. How about we take your mask off next week, Chris?
- Styles finishes turning heel, despite the fact that it will never work.
- Abyss has a shocking secret in his past, that somehow Christian knows about. I assume the bookstore he stopped at to read about Abyss' past is next to the Sting Gear Warehouse.
- Angle beats Joe again, as they face off the week before the PPV, again. Welp, no reason to buy this PPV either.
So TNA has effectively ruined some title belts, ruined some big money feuds, ruined some great babyfaces by turning them heel, and ruined some great heels by making them suck. All the action will be brought to you by your favorite commentators Don West and Mike Tenay, and everything you will see has to be coming from the mind of Vince Russo. TNA has a lot of problems right now. They certainly need a problem solver.
Oh yes, there is more crap to highlight below:
NEWS FLASH: TNA has signed Problem Solver Tyson Tomko. Somewhere, Tomko and his mom rumored to be the only two people really happy about it.
Thank you Mr. Russo for single-handedly steering TNA directly back to the minor leagues. Thank you Jeff Jarrett and Dixie Carter for allowing the return of Crash TV.
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