The Time is Now

There is a newsfeed on our blog that keeps me up to date on the latest happenings in professional wrestling. One interesting article I came across speculated on the effect that the Hollywood writers strike would have on the WWE.

The writer speculated that the NBC network might turn to the WWE for additional programming to make up for the loss of The Tonight Show, Saturday Night Live, and others.

At the same time I thought that if this model proved successful, CBS might look into their affiliate network Spike TV about TNA programming.



If the strike lasts as long as projected, the WWE and TNA may receive major outlets for their programming. The question of whether or not the negative stigma related to the Chris Benoit murders and the related steroid probes will prevent networks and advertisers from looking towards professional wrestling is valid.

Let's assume however that the WWE actually does have the opportunity to benefit from added television time. Can WWE bring the goods?

Over the summer, Linda McMahon stated during a conference call that professional wrestling was about to hit another boom period. Since that announcement, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, Rey Mysterio, and Ken Kennedy have returned from injuries.

Also since that time, Rob Van Dam and Booker T have left the company, and Bobby Lashley and John Cena have gone down to injury. So the question is, is the WWE in better or worse position than they were six months ago?

The answer is better, and the reason for that all looms on the horizon. If WWE is able to get three slots of network television time, they have three major events guaranteed to occur. The eagerly anticipated returns of Edge, Ric Flair, and Chris Jericho are all slated to occur sometime in the near future, and the timing could not be more perfect.

An interesting proposition would see classic wrestling as an option during this time. This is an interesting concept, indeed. The suggestion of the very best of Raw from the 1990's being available may overshadow today's product, or it could alternatively light a fire under WWE creative and remind the casual fan of what they enjoyed so much in the past.

I must admit I am not always the biggest "Stone Cold" Steve Austin fan. I think he was a better worker before he adopted the Stone Cold persona, and at times his act has grown tired to me. Still, during his confrontation with Santino Marella on Monday Night, all I could feel was magic, and I wished to myself that Austin had the ability to wrestle again.

Some critics are suggesting that Santino Marella's fantastic mic work over the past several weeks was all for naught because of the Austin confrontation. I couldn't disagree more.

Santino Marella has established himself as one of the most entertaining characters on Raw. A beer-spraying hose cannot wash that away. Just the opportunity for Santino to work with Austin elevates him. So what if Austin got a kick-wham-stunner on him. Who hasn't Austin done that too? The point is, Marella got under Austin's skin enough to bring Austin back to a WWE ring to confront him, and when Austin stood face to face with him, he was true to his convictions and never backed down.

Now Marella is positioned fantastically as the perfect antagonist to a returning Chris Jericho, and fans understand that the potential for classic mic work is outstanding. Marella doesn't have the character to be a main event caliber wrestler yet. However, as the green wears off and his comedy runs its course, he is going to be a very hot commodity as a serious title contender.

All Santino's program with Austin did was elevate him to bigger and better things. What if next week Santino was fuming about being embarrassed by Austin the week before? In a fit of rage, Marella announces that he is issuing and open challenge to anyone under a WWE contract for a match at the Survivor Series. All of the sudden, the countdown is on!

Another can't miss storylines for fans old enough to remember the good old days involves the return of "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. Since his WWE wrestling debut, fans have clamored for the storyline that sees Flair donning the big gold belt one more time.

While Flair currently seems far from the title picture on any brand, it will not take long to convince fans that Flair is ready and able for one last hurrah. Flair's return should see him gain convincing victories over major superstars and at the same time reestablish the figure-four leglock.

For those worried about Flair going over younger talent who are the future of the company, I would first suggest remembering how many guys Flair has attempted to help put over (although attempts with Kenny Dykstra and Carlito weren't all that successful). In professional wrestling, losing to Ric Flair is certainly not the type of thing that a wrestler will be unable to overcome in the future. If done right, A Flair for the Gold will convince anyone that Flair has the ability simply because of how bad he wants his final day in the sun.

How would I suggest they position Flair for his title shot? The same way they positioned him for the title during his first WWE run. Imagine the underdog Flair defeating 29 younger superstars at the Royal Rumble and choosing his own destiny at WrestleMania.

The current World Heavyweight Title picture is irrelevant, as WrestleMania is months away. Say the Undertaker defeats Batista at the Survivor Series and is positioned for a World Title Match with Edge at the Rumble. This is the perfect time for Batista to cost the Undertaker the belt and turn heel, as his babyface character has grown tired to many anyways. The Rumble can come down to Batista and Flair, who have a hell of a back-story of their own, and Taker can return the favor. Now you have two hot Smackdown main event matches. Perhaps and interesting twist would see Edge recruit his own pseudo-horsemen in the months leading up to WrestleMania. Arn Anderson would insist on helping Flair in his battles, but Flair would insist that this time he has to do it alone, and Arn would be left to struggle with respecting Flair's wishes and being the enforcer. He would reconcile those differences when he meets Flair in the ring to hug him and celebrate his title victory.

Flair would drop the belt the next month, most likely in a return match with Edge, but a unique and incredible WrestleMania moment was made, and Flair can retire with his legacy in tact.

The main problem I see is that outside of these returns, there is not a lot in the immediate future to look forward to on Raw. The Triple H-Umaga program has pretty much run its course twice now, yet it is still going on. The Randy Orton-Shawn Michaels program has no happy ending, as Michaels should not be regaining the belt right now, but he certainly needs to get his heat back from Orton kicking a field goal with his face and putting him out of action. So how does the Raw brand create exciting television outside of the return of Chris Jericho?

Well, one interesting prospect would involve the return of another major attitude-era superstar. If the WWE is looking to recapture the casual fan from the late 1990's, who better to bring back than The Rock. Now I know this seems a bit of a stretch, but with a major writer's strike in Hollywood, Rock's Saturday Night Live appearance has already been cancelled, and plans for any major movies he might have done could be on hold.

I would not suggest that Dwayne Johnson return in an active wrestling role for many reasons. He is not in wrestling shape. The risk of injury is high and unnecessary for him to take. Still, the Rock appearing and electrifying live crowds in a general manager role, bantering with Chris Jericho, Santino Marella, William Regal, Ron Simmons, and others is the recipe for good WWE television. I would think it a lot more doubtful had not the Rock appeared prior to WrestleMania to suggest that Umaga is Samoan for shriveled-up monkey penis.

To follow the momentum of events like Ric Flair, Edge, Chris Jericho, or even the Rock's return, you need to really establish your current and future guys as stars. That means having Cody Rhodes serving as Hardcore Holly's bitch is not going to cut it. That means having Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas jobbing to a makeshift tag team that no one cares about like Super Crazy and Jim Duggan is not going to cut it. That means having Snitsky, as a featured part of Raw, defeating jobbers in 30 seconds with a stupid pumphandle slam is simply not going to cut it.

For the love of God, if the WWE does get this opportunity and intends to take advantage of it CM Punk, Jeff Hardy, Mr. Kennedy, Umaga, Finlay, Matt Hardy, and MVP better come out the other side as huge stars.

If I had it my way, Shelton Benjamin, Lance Cade, Santino Marella, Val Venis, Jamie Noble, Elijah Burke, Beth Phoenix, and Victoria would be right there with them. What is it going to take for the WWE to write some good TV for these guys? With their look, charisma, and ability, it should be easy to get them over. Hell, the fact that they aren't over is blasphemous. Here is an analogy: If I was ever going to get an F in elementary school, I was going to have to try for it. Just showing up writing my name on the paper and taking the test would likely get me a C, even if I hadn't done any work prior. When it comes to these talents, WWE creative is getting an F… in elementary school… because you have to be trying to do THAT badly.

At any hot point in professional wrestling, you have great storylines in the main event and a hot exciting midcard full of guys you can see one day wearing the heavyweight title. Just because John Cena is sitting at home rehabbing a pectoral muscle doesn't mean that his theme music has no resonance in today's WWE landscape. If you work in the WWE offices, give a listen. Your time is up. The time is now!

If done correctly, this could be a hot as hell ECW World Title Match at WrestleMania 24:



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CMLL Pays For Overexposure of Mistico

The scenario sounds familiar. In fact, it has happened a number of times to a number of different wrestling companies. Now, it is happening again. Although the landscape is different, very different in fact, one of the most talent rich wrestling promotions in the world could be on the verge of a serious collapse. Tough times could be ahead.

In 1996, WCW hit the jackpot with the NWO. The promotion that brought together the stars of the 1980s, the top WWF stars of the 1990s, plus some of the best young wrestlers in the US, Mexico and Japan helped ignite the wrestling business to another “boom period”. The spark that started the fire was the NWO. In fact, WCW’s take on the UWF-New Japan wars of the early 1990s got over so much that they expanded it to the point that nearly everything in the promotion revolved around the NWO. WCW’s big draw was the NWO, but when it came time to start pushing the next big thing to prevent the product from becoming stale, they balked. Instead, they stayed with the NOW as their ace in the hole, thinking that having those three letters on top would keep them the number one promotion in the US forever. Instead, the company’s business went down the tubes.

At the same time the NWO was hot and drawing huge money for WCW, the WWF was getting murdered. However, they also had something people were drawn to almost as much as the NWO - Steve Austin. Eventually the WWF did the same thing as WCW, and their promotion became centered on Austin and his war with Vince McMahon. However, in contrast to WCW, the WWF also found a way to build up Foley, HHH, the Rock and others, so that when Austin was put on the shelf and the focus of the promotion was forced to change, the WWF was able to surge and show staying power.

There are books and websites and tons of material discussing at what point WCW actually started their demise. I always thought the point where WCW screwed up was the debacle of Starrcade 97. Although WCW did good business after that, they were never full able to recover from the matchmaking and promotional blunders that took place on that card – a card with the highest buyrate ever at that point in time.

The same thing is currently happening in CMLL. Right now. Instead of the promotion being built around a hot group like the NWO, it is built around Mistico. The story behind Mistico is that he was a poor orphan living on the streets of Mexico City, who was taken into an orphanage, where it was somehow discovered that he had an amazing ability for wrestling. The famous wrestling priest Fray Tormenta, whom the movie “Nacho Libre” was loosely inspired by, took Mistico under his wing and trained him to be a great wrestler.

Mistico was special not only because he was a wholesome religious lad, but because he his amazing athletic ability was the work of God himself – who personally guided Mistico to victory after victory. Mistico debuted in the CMLL midcard and started getting pins over guys more experienced and higher on the card than him – thanks to God. It was almost like Goldberg in WCW.

The thing was, Mistico appealed to everyone that attended shows in CMLL’s arenas. He was like a taller leaner Rey Misterio Jr. in the ring. Before too long, everything in CMLL was revolving around Mistico. Rudos were lining up to challenge him, since it was guaranteed to be a sell out man event facing off with Mistico in a singles match. Helping him greatly was the fact that two of the most popular wrestlers in Mexico, Hijo del Santo and Dr. Wagner Jr. took Mistico under their wing and teamed with him on a regular basis against said rudos.

Much like the NWO in WCW however, CMLL had so thoroughly integrated Mistico into their cards, their matchmaking, and their promotion, he soon became overexposed. And, since God was helping Mistico win all of his matches, the “smart” fans in Arena Mexico started to turn on the company’s biggest star.

The first hint of this was when Black Warrior turned on Mistico - people cheered him because they were tired of Mistico. “Rudo Fans”, which are a group made up of mostly men who attend CMLL shows, backed Warrior as they understood why he turned on the glory hound Mistico.

Kids and women continued to cheer “El Principe de Plata y Oro” however. Warrior was an impressive veteran rudo who took full advantage of the spotlight a feud with Mistco provided; Warrior exposed the chink in the Mistico armor. Mistico’s rivals should have then been exploiting that, and promoted as on the same par as Mistico. Instead, Warrior was downplayed, and for most of the summer of 2007, he was not even booked on major CMLL cards.

Dr. Wagner Jr., a rudo-style wrestler, became one of the most popular fan favorites in all of Mexico after the passing of his legendary father a few years ago. In 2005, Wagner was the fan favorite all the rudos were lining up to wrestle, because that was where the money was. In fact, CMLL still attempted to promote and push Wagner as a rudo against other popular fan favorites such as Atlantis and LA Park, only to have fans turn against them and side with Wagner.

During this past summer, Wagner was once again put in this position by CMLL – only this time against Mistico. Anyone with half a brain could see what CMLL was thinking here – Wagner is a rudo in style, and him as a rudo against Mistico would do huge business. In reality, many fans were already lukewarm towards Mistico, who was being shoved down their throats to no end. Sure, he still had his fans amongst children and women, but most of the men populating Arena Mexico were going to cheer anyone facing off with Mistico. Anyone with half a brain could see that Wagner facing off with Mistico was only going to take more away from Mistico’s fanbase.

Wagner befriended his enemies and did what he had to do to get matches against Mistico – just to prove that he was the better wrestler. Finally the match was made, and when the two faced off last July in their first ever one-on-one encounter in Arena Mexico, it was one of the biggest matches of the year.

However, this match could possibly have been CMLL’s version of Starrcade 97. Wagner had Mistico defeated, powerbombing him on the hard wooden floor outside the ring. Then, that rudo that Wagner befriended, Ultimo Guerrero, interfered and laid out Wagner. Mistico slid back into the ring and got the pinfall, at which point a full scale riot ensued. 18000 fans in Arena Mexico came to see Wagner win. Wagner should have won. What they did not want to see was Mistico get a bullshit win over Wagner that he didn’t deserve.

The situation still could have been salvaged however. After the match, Wagner and Guerrero were laying out challenges as fans littered the ring with trash; it made sense that CMLL would heavily push a feud between Wagner and Guerrero which should have made a lot of money, afterall, it was the number one fan favorite against the top rudo. Instead, CMLL deemphasized Wagner, and a public battle began that saw Wagner leave the company.

You can’t shove a something down the throat of people if they do not want it - but CMLL has nothing else. If the feud progressed to that point, Wagner vs. Guerrero for masks could be the type of match that draws and does the type of business that Atlantis vs. Villano III did for CMLL in 2000. Maybe even Rayo de Jalisco Jr. vs. Cien Caras type money. The big feud that followed the Wagner debacle was Blue Panther and Lizmark Jr. – and attendance quickly dropped as Mistico sat on the sidelines healing up injuries. Just as how WCW could not part with the NWO, CMLL won’t halt Mistico's push, because they have nothing to follow it. Mistico working semi-main events or lower on the card doesn’t seem like an option to CMLL - for whatever reason.

The boos and the trash pelting the ring showed that the fans are behind Wagner – just as the WCW fans were behind Sting. Just like Sting in 97, Wagner was screwed out of his place atop the hottest wrestling company in the world. There is nothing wrong with the guy that was your top draw being put on the back burner. That is how you keep a guy fresh for when the next moneymaking program comes along.

The only thing to point the blame at is CMLL’s matchmakers and promoters. Mistico is their Hulk Hogan. While Hogan was always a draw when he had a top-notch opponent that was a threat to him, when he had no Piper or Andre, or Sting, or Savage, he was not the same draw. Plus, when Hogan was on top of the WWF and even WCW, there were other draws in the company. Warriors, Rude, Luger, Flair, etc. With the talent roster CMLL has, they should be having spectacular cards and making fistfuls of cash with Mistico anywhere on the card – even at the top. However, Mistico is the only guy that CMLL pushes as a star. In the mind of the fans, that makes everyone else second-class.

Perrito Aguayo is a star that should be pushed as an equal to Mistico. But, no one is allowed to expose those chinks in the armor, because that might hurt the draw. Will little kids come to cheer for their hero if he is left battered and bloody by the Guerreros every week?

Wrestlers like Averno, Mephisto, Volador Jr., Stuka Jr, Sombre, Valiente Jr. – are the future of CMLL. None of these guys get to face Mistico, because they might outshine him. Perrito, Guerrero, Wagner, Warrior, and a handful of others should be promoted as Mistico’s equals or more – not as guys a half step behind. There is no reason Mistico needs to hold four of CMLL’s championships at once. CMLL is guilty of a lot of dumb decisions recently.

CMLL brought back the well past their prime and out of shape Villanos. Supposedly the Villaos are close to retirement, and are looking for a hot feud to put up their masks before they wind their carriers down. Villano IV however, blew out his knee shortly after debuting. After the injury, CMLL kept III & V around – and they had a series of terrible matches they seemed to be randomly thrown in that didn’t draw a lick.

In smart circles, it is known that Mistico is under a long-term contract to CMLL, which underpays him. Recently CMLL and Hijo del Santo had a very negative falling out (similar to Wagner) due to CMLL not wanting to pay Santo what he was getting from other promoters around Mexico and the US. While it is never a good idea to screw up your entire roster's payroll for one guy, CMLL no longer can bring in Santo to spike attendance like they used to do.

In Mexico, heavyweights are not generally the focus of the company as they are in the US. A legitimate heavyweight that they use regularly is Marco Corleone, aka Mark Jindrak. Instead of pushing him as a huge gringo threat to the heavyweight title, he is booked as a babyface pretty boy… in a group with Shocker, who no shows more often than not. Corleone is by no means straight out of the 1990's All Japan, but he could bring something to a heavyweight division if they booked one. Instead he is just a big pretty American they have on cards.

A great tag team in Perrito Aguayo and Hector Garza is not even used as such. Instead, Perrito is mildly pushed as a singles wrestler (getting pushed against Mistico in main events on occasion), and Garza works the second tier arenas. And their group, the Perros del mal, is a huge draw for the ladies. A feud with Negro Casas & Mistico over the CMLL Tag Titles would probably draw money.

The wildly popular Mascarita Sagrada II jumped from AAA to CMLL, and was promptly remarketed as Mascarita Dorido, and booked to debut outside of Arena Mexico on a secondary show to no fanfare. This was after CMLL made a huge deal about signing him away from AAA.

Finally, Wagner leaving CMLL. Wagner not only was a ridiculously popular wrestler who drew money, but he also booked big independent shows, and trained a lot of CMLL talent. While supposedly Santo is looking to start his own promotion, Wagner has enough talent and venues to actually start a group that could have some success, if he desired.Wagner has said repeatedly he has no interest in going to AAA.

So, time will tell. CMLL will never go out of business, as they own their own arenas and are on solid financial ground – after all they have been around 75 years. The wrestling business has been hot in Mexico for about five years now – as hot as it was in the US at the height of the Monday Night Wars. AAA is still doing great business – although with a smaller roster and less shows. Will CMLL continue to do less than 10000 fans at Arena Mexico for big shows with the way they are booking, or will things get even worse?

Much like the demise of WCW, only time will tell how it all will unfold. More on This Story...

Will teams of five indeed strive to survive?

It has been the entire theme of Survivor Series past (at least for the most part,) the 8 to 10 man Elimination Matches. I'm a big fan of this PPV for the Survivor Series matches themselves, so needless to say I get a little pissed during the years that they have little to no Survivor Series Matches themselves. Sorry, but Elimination Chamber doesn't do it for me. Would you scrap the tired and true Royal Rumble format in place of a "Monster Mash" Battle Royal? I would certainly hope not. I'm a big fan of gimmick matches and consistancy, so I'm all for sticking with what brought them to the dance.

Now that we're past the tapings we're unofficially a week past Cyber Sunday and have only announced the WWE Title Match. That's fine and all, there's still time to let feuds culminate in the traditional elimination matches. Seeing as how they've been going with the 6 match PPV format as of late, here is my dream Survivor Series card. I will officially crap my match if any of this actually happens though...

The Great Khali, Mark Henry, Big Daddy V, and MVP, and Edge vs Batista, Undertaker, Kane, Matt Hardy, and Ric Flair (Hyping the returns of both Edge and Flair)

Rey Mysterio, Chuck Palumbo, Jimmy Wang Yang, Jesse, and Festus vs Finlay, Kenny Dykstra, Chris Masters, Deuce, and Domino (Yang's kind of the Wild Card, but it evens things out)

CM Punk, Tommy Dreamer, Stevie Richards, Balls Mahoney, and The Boogeyman vs John Morrison, Kevin Thorn, Elijah Burke, The Miz, and Nunzio (The ECW Roster actually gets a payday!)

Triple H, Jeff Hardy, DH Smith, Cody Rhodes, and Hardcore Holly vs Umaga, Mr Kennedy, Carlito, Shelton Benjamin, and Charlie Haas (of course everyone not named Triple H or Umaga would be considered filler)

Santino Marella, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, and The Highlanders vs Paul London, Brian Kendrick, Hornswaggle, Ron Simmons, and Steve Austin (okay this one is stretching it a little but why the hell)

Beth Phoenix, Melina, Victoria, Layla and Jillian Hall vs Kelly Kelly, Mickie James, Maria, Torrie Wilson, and Michelle McCool (When was the last time they had a Women's Survivor Series Match?)

There you have it. While it breaks the mold and has 7 matches on a $40 PPV, I could justify spending the money on a card that looks like this. And keep in mind I haven't felt any PPV this year outside of The Royal Rumble or Wrestlemania worth going to a Sports Bar to watch for the price of dinner...


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Why We Watch...

I distinctly remember the beginning of my relationship with professional wrestling. I was taking advantage of the opportunity that having a babysitter gives you. Long past my bedtime, I was sitting on the couch in my pajamas. With a tootsie pop in my mouth, I flipped the channel to Saturday Night's Main Event. I saw Hulk Hogan and Randy "Macho Man" Savage and it was as if He-Man had become real. The fuse was ignited that night that would eventually make the MegaPowers explode at that year's WrestleMania. During a match with the Twin Towers, Savage was tossed violently into Elizabeth. Hogan went to the back to help her, leaving Savage alone to face Akeem and the Bossman. I thought back then that if I only had a few minutes with Hogan and Savage I could help them squash their beef. Twenty years later, I still feel that way.


Sooner than later I found the National Wrestling Alliance/World Championship Wrestling on TV. I remember being amazed watching an I Quit match between Terry Funk and Ric Flair on free TV at the Clash of the Champions.

I loved the main events, but I always had an eye towards the midcard. It always seemed to be the case that I would find a cool heel to enjoy just up until they turned him babyface and the whole world loved him. Examples of this were Shawn Michaels and The Rock. About the only heel that didn't lose something when he became top mainstream babyface was John Cena, and that's cause half the fans still hated him always.

There is something special about feeling ownership of a wrestler, and I'd argue that that is why we watch. Remembering Bret Hart's days in the Hart Foundation or Steve Austin's days in the Dangerous Alliance make it that much sweeter when they meet as major stars at WrestleMania 13.

Today I look at Shelton Benjamin and Elijah Burke with the same anticipation I have previously looked at Brian Pillman, Randy Orton, Buff Bagwell, and Droz with. Of course sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't.

Still, it's hard not to be cynical when you can think fondly on the old days and imagine Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Randy Savage, Sting, The Ultimate Warrior, Rick Rude, Vader, Jake Roberts, Arn Anderson, Ted Dibiase, and others at their peak.

It's also difficult to remember tag teams like Demolition, the Road Warriors, The Rockers, Doom, The Skyscrapers, the Midnight Express, and so many more and not long for them.

Even the days when WCCW, USWA, or GWF would come on ESPN on Wednesday afternoons bring some nostalgia.

By comparison when you compare today's wrestling atmosphere to all the memories of the past 20 years, it just doesn't compare. Still, we watch…

We watch because we are waiting for the next big breakthrough. Will it be Mr. Kennedy? Will it be Jeff Hardy? Only time will tell.

We watch because some of those larger than life characters we remember are still around like the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels, and they have been intertwined with those we've learned to care about in the meantime like Edge, Triple H, and Rey Mysterio.

We watch because even though we aren't likely to see a big interesting defection the way we did during the old WCW/WWE days, we can still mark out months after waiting for Chris Jericho to return on TV, because that moment when he does will undoubtedly be incredible.

We watch because Cody Rhodes and DH Hart keep us grounded and remind us where we came from. We watch because new generation stars like AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels show us where we are going.

We watch because every week Jay Lethal or Santino Marella is going to do that little something extra that makes us smile.

No matter how disillusioned we get with what wrestling is and no matter how much better we think it could be, we watch.

Now I am certainly not going to sit in any bleachers and cry that it's still real to me, damnit. I am not sure that it ever was real to me. It was larger than life.

A few weeks ago I sat at a local Indy show in the bleachers about to cry because the first half of the show was incredibly bad. It picked up though, and by the end I felt I had gotten my money's worth.

In a time where the most newsworthy wrestling happenings involved Candice Michelle falling on her face, I struggle to write, but I refuse to just dump on the product.

Is it easy to come up with anti-WWE and anti-TNA banter? Of course. Right now I probably like wrestling less than I have at any point in the past 20 years, but still I watch.

Professional wrestling seems to have cast a weird spell over thousands. It's one that those who aren't under will never understand. Those of use who are don't even get it sometimes.

Maybe I will never get the wrestling show I wish for until I get to heaven. I assume that at 25 years old, by the time I get there all my favorites will be there with me.

Rest In Peace to all the former warriors of the squared circle. Your contributions are why we are here today. You are fondly remembered and greatly missed.

The Outcast, the Legend, the Wolf is back for another opinionated commentary:

When I first read the teaser to your current column, I thought that Vince had fired the fans again, but then I wondered, how can you fire someone that you haven't paid, have constantly berated for being wrong, whom you've constantly given one thing when they've been asking for something completely different, who have seen your ass more times than they've seen Jenna Haze's (and seeing as most of the core fans are teenage boys with internet service, that's a lot of times!) and with everything that you've done they keep coming back for more as if the cookies on this side of the fence are better.

But since the column isn't about US getting fired, I'll talk about the guys that you mention while I keep checking the mail box for that check from Vince (hell, with all the ideas that he's stolen from the internet, I'm shocked that he hasn't sent out a check, and that he keeps shutting down e-feds. they're a gold mine to him!)

Seeing Teddy Hart get the axe is SOOOOOOOOOOO Shocking to me (did I lay on the sarcasm enough? Ya think so? Ok, moving on) why do people keep signing this guy? (quick check on the last name and ok, I guess we know!) Ya think if Kid Kash were Kid Hart that he'd get that many chances? Exactly. I say, let the guy rot in the independents until he gets his desire, energy, and a respect for the business that he is riding the coattails of. If he ever grows up and stops using his name as a springboard then things might turn up better. If he does not, then he'll be the worst Hart ever (Including Bruce. C'mon, he might have been all right in the ring, but he had the personality of a cheese-it!).

To Ryan O'Reilly and Krissy Vaine I have this to say: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! You two are the dumbest mutha f*ckas on the planet! You wait until you get called up to leave the company? If you two are really in love, suck it up (once again this is a FAMILY show, so minds out of the gutter) and deal with it. You obviously don't care about the business if you are ready to leave the biggest company around so that you can be close to each other. Hell, one Sunday a month you'll be in the same building, and that right there is more than I see my wife sometimes AND WE LIVE TOGETHER! Go to TNA where you'll be two more people who don't get any face time and wonder why you chose love over the passion for the business that brought you both together. See what happens if you two don't last. You won't get another chance that easily!

As far as Daivari is concerned, the guy lasted longer than I ever expected one they bailed out on the whole Hassan thing (although if they put them on Raw and run with it, they would've been KILLER heels) he had a decent run, made what I'm sure is a decent amount of money and I'm sure had a blast for the most part living his dream (unlike Hollywood Hassan who seemed to only want fame!) Good Luck to him, although he'll need a little bit of a gimmick change.

Now for the release you've all been waiting for me to comment on, King BOOKA And Queen Sharmell! For someone who gave everything he had for the last zillion years or so, did everything that he was asked since he's been apart of the WWEmpire, they treated him like crap the entire time, and he didn't deserve it! Should he get a title run on his way out of the door? No, but a nice send off would be better than "The WWE has come to terms with..." It's insulting to him and anyone who is a fan of his. But then again, something tells me that if Shane pissed off Vince enough (We all know that Steph couldn't possibly piss him off, so it'll have to be Shane) then the only thing we'd see is "The WWE has come to terms with the contractual release of one Shane O' Mac. We wish him well in all future endeavors." All kidding aside, if Book wasn't so closely linked to WCW his send off would be much more celebrated, no matter what. Just look at how many times Hogan's gotten the warm send off, and Vince HATES him now! Not that Book was ever at Hogan or Flair levels, but you get the idea. All in all, I hope that TNA gives him a short, midcard send off for a couple of months, and he beats someone like Christian Cage or Scott Steiner in his "final" "big two/three/four" match.

Then again, knowing TNA, they'll sign him and (Points thumbs at himself) R...V...D! And recreate the most misused and misguided tag teams in the history of wrestling. RVD and Booker should've never been a team. That's almost as dumb as X-Pac and Kane!

I agree Wolf. X-Pac and Kane were a horrible tag team. Here, watch the greatest tag team of all time in the match that made me a wrestling fan.





More on This Story...

Booker T's WWE Debut

With King Booker officially released from the WWE, I figured I'd take a look back at his first match ever in the WWE. I remember thinking that Buff Bagwell would be a huge star in the WWE. He had the look and the "attitude." Well, this match got Buff Bagwell fired, but I never understood why. The reason? I never got to see this match. A very close friend of mine from high school had just returned from being gone for a month. I asked her to be my girlfriend on this night and she said yes. I can recall making out with her on the couch in the basement of her aunt's house and sneaking glimpses at the television as WCW and Booker T made their WWE debuts...

Some interesting side notes:
Scott Hudson and Arn Anderson are the commentary team
Stacy Keibler is the ring announcer
Anderson calls this the most historic night of wrestling ever
Anderson calls Booker T the greatest WCW champion of all time
Hudson calls the WCW title the WWF title
Booker T calls this his worst match EVER!!! More on This Story...

The Cyclical Wrestling Business

So two weeks ago I asked what it is that even makes a superstar? One week ago I talked about professionally wrestling's surprisingly deep free agent market. I got some great responses on a free agent roster that I will share a bit later, but first I want to talk about the cyclical nature of wrestling, because it's an argument that I have heard 1000 times that I am just not buying.

Months ago, Linda McMahon stated that professional wrestling was about to reach another boom period. So what creates these cycles?

Well, the first is simply talent. In the 1980's, Vince McMahon purchased the best superstars from every territory to create his national brand. The chance to see the best of the best from around the world together in something other than a Pro Wrestling Illustrated magazine was undoubtedly exciting, and Vince was printing money.

However, Vince seemed to forget something very important along the way. His business is with human beings. Human beings grow older. Human beings have wants and needs. Pretty soon the early nineties appeared, and many of those from the Rock N' Wrestling Generation had retired. Ted Turner purchased those remaining, much the way they were purchased by Vince a decade earlier.

In the meantime, Vince hadn't created any new stars. He had latched his wagon onto workhorses like Hulk Hogan and let them take him as far as they could pull. So when Hogan was gone, Vince had to turn to Bret Hart and Lex Luger to pull the weight. The results were less than thrilling.

In time, Razor Ramon, Diesel, and Shawn Michaels separated themselves from the pack as special talents. Ramon and Diesel were then lured away by the almighty dollar as well, but luckily for Vince, he had recently acquired the underappreciated former WCW talent Steve Austin, and there was a third generation superstar on the horizon.

Initially Vince stuck with his tired formula. The third generation superstar was called Rocky Miavia, and pushed down the throats of fans as an undeniable babyface. Austin was given the gimmick of the Ringmaster and the Million Dollar Belt to boot. Nothing was going to change ratings until Vince McMahon changed his philosophy.

A rumbling was taking place that would shake the core of professional wrestling. Paul Heyman took a group of WWE and WCW rejects, matched them up with guys no one had ever heard of, and created one of the most exciting products in wrestling history. When the cult following started to become a mainstream fanfare, Vince had the answer.

WWE Attitude took the audience back from WCW and created the second significant wrestling boom of the past 30 years. Much like when Vince McMahon had put all his eggs into Hogan's basket in the 80's, he was going to milk Attitude for all it was worth as the late nineties rolled into the new millennium.

If the Attitude Era were a large plentiful orange in 1997, WWE was still squeezing the hell out of it in 2006 in order to quench the fans thirst. Then one day, Vince woke up and looked at the talent around him. Steve Austin had retired. The Rock had left to go do movies. Mick Foley was not going to be flying off any cages. Instead a new crop of talent surrounded him. Bobby Lashley, Ken Kennedy, Umaga…

Vince decided the first thing to do was release Scotty 2 Hotty. After all, nothing screamed hanging on to 1997 like this guy still doing the Too Cool dance and the worm ten years later.

It was time to shake off a half decade of bad investments. Since the WWF became the WWE, Vince and company have put a great deal of time and money into guys that simply didn't pan out. The emergence of the NWO in the WWE didn't work because of injuries to Kevin Nash and the conduct of Scott Hall. Hulkamania was reignited, but only long enough to give him some big wins over guys like Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and Randy Orton, only to see him disappear again with no real benefit to the company.

For a full year Vince pushed Brock Lesnar on Smackdown and Goldberg on Raw. By the time their dream match was scheduled at Wrestlemania, both had decided that they were done with the WWE, and a retired Steve Austin got the rub from stunning them both on their departure.

WWE chose to let go of the Dudley Boyz. While their routine was admittedly tired, shouldn't they have put someone over on their way out for the future viability of the tag division? What about Christian and Chris Jericho? These guys were in the title picture at Summerslam and then gone before the Royal Rumble.

One can't miss prospect that WWE was looking to was Muhammed Hassan. After the time they put into making Hassan a true contender, he was drafted to Smackdown and then had to be removed from TV for a controversial angle.

It wasn't just the men's department where WWE was hurting. In a short period they lost three of their most established divas as well when Stacy Keibler, Trish Stratus, and Lita all said goodbye.

Just last year The Big Show quit after a lengthy run as ECW champion and a main event program with Degeneration X.

All of these releases as individual instances are not a big deal. All of them together, however, are pretty significant. Figure into that the deaths of Owen Hart and Eddie Guerrero, and you have a recipe for disaster.

It's actually quite impressive that WWE is doing as well as they are right now. With Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and the Undertaker as the corporate backbone, WWE was able to develop John Cena, Batista, Randy Orton, and more into this new crop of superstars.

However, just when things were looking up, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and the Undertaker go down to injuries. Following suit are Rey Mysterio, King Booker, and Ken Kennedy. Rob Van Dam leaves the company. Chris Benoit kills himself. Edge gets hurt. Bobby Lashley gets hurt. Then after Triple H, Mysterio, and the Undertaker come back, 10-12 superstars get Wellness-related suspensions. When those guys on the Wellness suspensions return, John Cena tears his pectoral muscle.

So John Cena is injured and smarks around the world are rejoicing as if the war in Iraq were finally over. I for one don't see the upside.

Say what you will about John Cena, and wrestling sites have about said it all ad nauseam, but John Cena has proven to be something special. His name on the marquee draws crowds, his image on cotton sells t-shirts, his persona both live and on television stays over, and his programs with Edge, Randy Orton, Triple H, Umaga, and others make for damn good wrestling television.

So what do people have to say about the heir-apparent to the WWE throne? He's no Hulk Hogan. He's no Steve Austin. He's no Rock. You know what? That's completely true.

Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, and The Rock are arguably the three biggest stars in the history of professional wrestling. John Cena has commonalities with all three men, but he certainly is not able to fill their shoes.

Like the Rock, Cena came into the WWE as a bluechipper. Fans didn't accept his babyface character, and he was quickly pushed into being a heel and developed his own personality. Like Steve Austin, John Cena became an ass-kicking anti hero, as his foul mouth and controversial actions only endeared him more to the WWE crowd. Like Hulk Hogan, he captured the imagination of children everywhere and became an almost unstoppable force.

What the Rock, Steve Austin, and Hulk Hogan had going for them is that they were allowed to be themselves with the volume turned way up. What John Cena has working against him is that he is expected to be some type of amalgamation of those who came before him.

When Randy Orton was kicked out of Evolution shortly after winning the WWE title, he suffered a similar fate. For months, Orton had developed his cocky legend killer character to the point that fans began to like it. When the time came to pull the trigger on Orton's inevitable babyface run, they placed him on the stage and gave him a Rock-esque promo to cut. It didn't work. Why? Well for starters, Randy Orton is not the Rock. He is Randy Orton.

When The Rock finally turned babyface, he did not magically turn into a new generation Hulk Hogan. He stayed true to who he was, and the fans ate that up. This was the character that fans had grown to love. No one wanted to hear The Rock telling us to train, say our prayers, and eat our vitamins.

The more over John Cena's rap character became, the more he got pushed in a direction where he had to fit a mold that was created before him. Cena has since abandoned the throwback jerseys, locks, and chains that brought him to the dance and has adopted the persona of being "The Marine," a role that was initially intended for Steve Austin.

When given mic time, Cena is rarely ever the brash arrogant kid we grew to love. He is often simply too goofy to be taken seriously. It's strange how the Rock can call Umaga a shriveled up monkey penis and it works, but when John Cena calls the Big Show poopy pants it doesn't. It's the same type of sophomoric humor, but it just rolls off The Rock's tongue more naturally.

Then again, I was 14 when I loved hearing the Rock say those things. I am now 24, and I would hope my sense of humor has evolved. Still, when the Rock makes his occasional appearance, I expect this from him and welcome it. When I see John Cena, I would prefer not to see a subpar rehash of places I have already been.

John Cena has had some fantastic matches in his career. Of course Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Edge, and Shawn Michaels had the ability to make anyone look like a million bucks, but Cena's recent Summerslam effort against Randy Orton should also serve to silence a lot of critics.

Cena's reputation as a hard worker is well documented. Often I think the criticism he gets for no-selling moves and having a tired predicatable offense is unwarranted, because I believe this is what he is instructed to do by the WWE higher-ups. If Vince McMahon wanted Cena to deliver a consistently better and more diverse in-ring product, I am sure he could step to the plate.

Case and Point: John Cena's injury is not a positive for professional wrestling. It is very much a negative. What Linda McMahon predicted to be a "boom" period for professional wrestling has become a period where the product is really suffering. Those who have enjoyed the most success due to circumstance thus far? The Great Khali and Hornswaggle. There is something wrong with that picture.

Every move that WWE makes right now is critical. Every signing, every release and every push is essential to sustaining the momentum the company had been building over the past year. Every booking, every storyline and every angle needs to be carefully constructed to maintain the relationships with fans who have tuned in over the past seven years to see people who may or may not be on their televisions due to a number of circumstances.

So in this sensitive time period that requires a great deal of focus, what is the WWE doing? A Teddy Long Viagra-induced heart attack and a Hornswaggle/Melina love story. These are two angles that take TV time, and don't build anyone with the ability to draw a dime or even result in a match.

They are building Santino Marella into one of the most interesting superstars on Raw. The problem? On the way there, they are going to further devalue their most underrated talent in Val Venis. Venis has the look, the charisma, and the in-ring ability, yet he is saddled with eternal job duty. What is Marella's ultimate destiny after getting the rub from Val? That's quite simple. He will receive kick-wham-stunner from an inactive Steve Austin. How does this elevate a new superstar? It doesn't.

Triple H gets to destroy Umaga, Carlito, Cade, and Murdoch. Who's next? Well most likely with Cena getting hurt, Orton will be thrown into this match at the pay-per-view and it will be made for the vacant WWE title. It is likely good ole' Trips will bury Orton too on the way to another long meaningless title run, and heck, while he has the belt, let him destroy Ken Kennedy too. What's the point of having something new to look forward to? Right WWE?

Speaking of something new to look forward to, how about Cody Rhodes. Oh yeah, that's right. He is jobbing to Bob Holly. The fans have never accepted Holly as more than a weak midcarder, so Rhodes losing to him on a weekly basis is especially damaging. You think Cody would get a better deal because of his daddy. I guess this is supposed to end with Rhodes earning Holly's respect. Whoopdee shit. I'd rather see Rhodes spit in his face and ask him why in the 15 years he's been in the WWE he hasn't had any real success. Then ask him why he's still going around calling himself Hardcore. In the last WWE Smackdown vs. Raw game, Lawler exclaims, "1998 called, they want their word back." Amen.

Even when Brock Lesnar legit injured Bob Holly, his return to get revenge garnered him no fan support. I am happy Holly beat his terrible staph infection, but that doesn't make him any less boring. Bob Holly never was a star and never will be one. I wish that WWE would wish him the best on his future endeavors, or throw him back on ECW where nothing matters anyways.

If those viral marketing promos are actually for Chris Jericho and not for the new and improved WWE.com featuring old school pics of Dusty Rhodes' valet Sweet Sapphire, wrestling fans around the world need to realize something. I said last week that no one man is going to save the WWE. I take that back. There actually is one guy that has that power. His name is Vince McMahon.

It is up to Vince McMahon and the WWE creative team to build intriguing storylines that make sense, attract viewers, and lead to an even bigger payoff. Until they get that process down, even a returning Chris Jericho is likely to be nothing to get excited about. In fact, he's just another guy for Triple H to run over while we all wait patiently for wrestling's next big boom period.

Chris O offered up his 30 man roster alternative to the WWE

World Championship Division
Sabu
CW Anderson
Rob Van Dam
The Sandman
Steve Corino
Bryan Danielson
Brent Albright
Marcus Cor Von
The Human Tornado

Lightweight Championship Division
Too Cold Scorpio
Austin Starr
Sean Waltman
Jushin Liger
Mistico
TAKA Michinoku
Ultimo Dragon
Matt Bentley
Jack Evans

Tag Team Championship Division
Kings of Wrestling: Chris Hero and Claudio Castagnoli
Jay Briscoe and Mark Briscoe
Joey Mercury and Christian York
The Mexicools: Psicosis and Juventud Guerrera
The Naturals: Chase Stevens and Andy Douglas
Cryme Tyme: JTG and Shad

My fed's roster kinda resembles the original ECW. In the World Title Division there are Originals such as Sabu, Sandman, and RVD. I have guys with technical prowess such as Danielson and Albright. I have a monster in Cor Von, and have Anderson and Tornado in there as heavyweight jobbers. My lightweights are stacked and should provide exciting matches like lightweights in the old ECW. My tag team division is a mix of indy teams like the Kings of Wrestling and the Briscoes, and ex-WWE or TNA teams like Cryme Tyme and the Naturals. If Heyman booked for this fed, it would be able to create a cult following. While it probably wouldn't compete with WWE, it can still be popular on a national stage.

Stephen Straka also gave his 30 man roster
A roster of 30 based on the free agents? Hoo boy.

The first thing I'm gonna do is divide the 30 into groups. 10 slots will be set aside for 5 established tag teams. 6 slots will be for the "devlopers", the type of guys you see winning tons on Heat but jobbing almost everywhere else. Hacksaw and Val Venis for example. Their primary role is to both test the incoming rookies and take under their wings the signed contract that still need some freshening up on the B-show. 1 of the tag team slots will be for this purpose as well. 7 slots will be for the upper-card wrestlers while 7 will be for an X-division.

Tag teams:
- La Resistence; I personally liked their gimmick and they're able to draw heat better than a lot of heels.
- Briscoe Bros.; duh. The only proviso is that they dress up as Mario and Luigi during Halloween episodes. Why? Why not?
- Cryme Tyme; sadly, I never got to see them in any matches aside from squashes but their skits are good for comedy value. Probably most liekly to be the B-show team but again, I haven't seen enough of them to tell.
- Basham Bros.; whatever you're gonna call them, they can be great in the ring if you let them be. Unfortunately, they were used as enforcers, which is never good for your in-ring work.
- Gymini is your "big" team.

Developers:
- Scotty! Even though he's at the tail end of his career, the fans still love the worm and I can see him tearing up the B-show in my promotion.
- Ace Steel; again, getting along in years but still more than capable of main-eventing the B-show. He can also double as a trainer/manager for someone who has a boxing/MMA gimmick given his training ofthe Second City Saints.
- Eugene; it's sad that he never got a chance outside the retard gimmick. I'd probably let him go back to being Mr. Wrestling and make him the heel developer.
-

X-Division:
- Essa Rios!
- TAKA Michinoku!
- Human Tornado!
- Ultimo Dragon!
- Jushin "Thuder" Liger!
- Yuji Nagata!
- Zach Gowen!
In case you haven't figured it out, this will probably be the equivilent of WCW's cruiserweight scene. Lower in the card and don't expect much for English promos but damn if the matches aren't gonna be exciting! Human Tornado gets to be Ken Masters for Halloween. SHOOOORYUKEN!

Upper card:
- Bryan Danielson; DUH
- RVD; ALSO DUH. Robbie V can also do double-duty in the X-division if there's injury or he's not doing anything.
- Mistico; can also slide into the X-division if neccessary
- Big Show and
- Giant Bernard are your monster heels. They can also do double-duty as a monster heel tag team if neccessary.
- Sylvester Terkay; is most likely to have Ace Steel as his trainer/manager
- Brent Albright and
- Monty Brown to round things out

Ideally my promotion would have a Raw/Heat deal with the A and B-shows. The A-show would be two ohurs long so as to give everyone enough exposure.

Karl Belanger checked in with this note on Pierre-Carl Ouellet
Just a quick note on Pierre-Carl Ouellet. He is now a color commentator for the TNA shows on RDS (Quebec's equivalent to ESPN or TSN). He's actually not too bad and way more tolereable than Lawler.

Last week, to my surprise, there was actually a 3 way match shown with him, Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles on the TNA broadcast that took place in Ottawa (not shown on TNA's regular boradcast obviously). He still looks great despite his age and can still work a crowd quite well. I always really liked him in the Quebecers and was always amazed at how well he could move for a big man. WWE wants their version of Samoa Joe? He'd be the perfect guy (much more so than Umaga I feel).

More on This Story...

A Mixed Message

What defines a wrestling superstar?

In my earliest days as a wrestling fan, I idolized Sting and Hulk Hogan. There's no denying that these are two larger than life personalities with larger than life bodies. Does an impressive physique equal superstar potential? Not necessarily, but don't tell Vince McMahon that.

I've always thought that anyone with the right talent and/or charisma, pushed properly, can be a huge star. Look at Dusty Rhodes, Mick Foley or even Rey Mysterio. Note that I said the right talent and/or charisma. This doesn't mean every fat dude or luchador can be a superstar.

This brings me back to my original point. Now, the WWE is saying they don't want their superstars on any illegal substances, yet they still want their talent to look like bodybuilders. Plus, new talent has to pass a drug test to get signed. That's tough. Who are they going to sign? Isn't this the same company that depushed a returning Chris Masters after suspending him for being on steroids?

I can't understand wanting their wrestlers to look like athletes. Elijah Burke looks like an athlete.

I'm confused why they won't let the talent get over based on their own merits. Look at the two biggest stars of the past ten years: Steve Austin and The Rock. These two guys got over almost on accident. Why not let some natural progressions happen? The only talent I've seen them let get over on their own is CM Punk. They've changed Cena so much since they've made him a top guy. Why not let some of these guys bring their own personality to the table and see what happens? More on This Story...

Those Tasteless McMahons

As far as being tasteless, sometimes I think WWE gets a bum rap for trying to do things that every other major media outlet is doing.

Maybe it's because they marketed their product so hard to kids in the 80's. Maybe it's because they are seen as a lesser form of entertainment. However, TV shows and movies deal with the concept of a character dying all the time, with no backlash. Would the "Sopranos" be suddenly seen as tasteless if their Key Grip guy died?

The problem with the Vince McMahon death angle is not that it's tasteless. It's that it's uninteresting, which is a shame considering they just killed off an incredibly OVER character who has been the focal point of the show for the past ten years.

The reason it is uninteresting is because fans smell the shit they are about to be fed from a mile away. An angle like this deserves a huge payoff, but WWE has no aces up its sleeve.

Remember when The Undertaker was answering to a higher power? Fans speculated that it might be Jake Roberts, Ted Dibiase or even that possibly Owen Hart's death was untrue and he could be the higher power. Instead, we got Vince McMahon.

What about when Stone Cold was run down in the parking lot? Logical sense pointed directly to The Rock. Having Austin VS. a fresh Heel Rock and the Angle/HHH/Stephanie love triangle going on simultaneously could have propelled WWE to new heights. Instead, WWE didn't want to lose The Rock's T-Shirt revenue, so Rikishi was found to be the one driving the car. Rikishi? Please...

How can anyone forget about the WCW "Who was driving the hummer?" angle. Oh, what's that? You forgot? Well, it's probably because they never answered the question. I am just going to assume that whoever they found that blew up this limo was also driving that hummer. I am hoping it is Kenny Dykstra, because he wouldn't have even had a Driver's License then.

Professional wrestling has a history of ending these storylines in the most uninteresting way possible. Not to mention that Triple H was lifted in a car in a crane and dropped 40 feet, and came back to wrestle a week later in what Jim Ross described as "a miracle." The true miracle was that no charges were pressed against Steve Austin who had obviously attempted to kill the man the week before. Hulk Hogan and The Giant squared off in a monster truck sumo match on the top of a building. The Giant was pushed off and came back to wrestle that night.

Wrestling fans know that WWE has about 200 ways to just shrug this off. And who are the interesting suspects? Mick Foley? Bobby Lashley? Please. About the best payoff you could muster would be Degeneration X was playing a prank that went a little overboard. Imagine the looks on HBK and HHH's face as they shrug their shoulders and say 'oops'. Then the crowd pops as they crotch chop into the night.

With the concept of an FBI investigation surrounding the case, anyone who is responsible would likely be taken off TV for some time, having to go to court and eventually jail. That will not happen however, as the suspect will be guilty without trial, and some wrestler will choose to get his revenge in the ring, rather than through federal 'pound me in the ass' prison time.

In the end, it's pretty obvious to me that Vince will have indeed faked his own death, and Stephanie will turn babyface, distraught that her dad could pull such a horrible stunt. Shane will be mad at Stephanie, distraught that his dad could raise such a horrible cunt.

If anything is worthwhile about this angle, it's that it has the wrestling world talking, something that we haven't had a chance to do much, unless it's over distaste about pulling things out of Jim Ross' ass or incessant John Cena bashing. Still, the Vince McMahon presumed death is to most fans just "WrestleCrap" waiting to happen. The most unfortunate thing about the angle is what it is doing to the talent on each brand.

The most unfortunate thing about the angle is what it is doing to the talent on each brand. Last night, WWE showed a highlight clip of Cade and Murdoch screwing the Hardys out of the tag team titles. With the brands seemingly once again divided with clear lines, Matt Hardy won't be able to show up on "Raw" to get his revenge. Oh, scratch that, he can show up on "Raw" all he wants if they win the tag titles at Vengeance. I'd rather see Dave Taylor come over and win them with Regal myself. I digress.

London and Kendrick were about as mediocre looking as could be on "Raw", wrestling the World's Greatest Tag Team. When I was predicting what would be on "Raw", saying that Bobby Lashley would squash Daivari and Umaga would squash The Sandman, I wanted to include that London and Kendrick would squash WGTT, but I left it out because I would have assumed that the actual match would at least be entertaining. It wasn't really.

If you are WGTT, why do you unleash your new gear on a night you are inevitably jobbing? Every time these guys give me something to get excited about, it turns out that there is absolutely nothing to be excited about. I can't believe that the guy that beat Triple H on "Raw" a few years back is now one half of "Raw"'s most infamous jobber tag team. Weak. It's strange how London and Kendrick came off as really being something special on "SmackDown!", and are just an afterthought on "Raw". The crowd fizzled after the team's victory. They really do seem out of place, and I'd love to see them go to "SmackDown!" or ECW.

The Sandman is also obviously out of place on "Raw", but at least he got a pop. The funny thing is, many think WWE ressurected ECW to snuff out any remaining ECW chants, by associating those letters with a vastly different product. Ironically, The Sandman probably got more ECW chants on "Raw" than the whole ECW show will get Tuesday Nights on the Sci-Fi channel. Funny how he should be in the ECW element, but he is probably more significant on another brand, as he can really bear the ECW flag when not held back by ECW.

I want to say how refreshing it was to hear the biggest pop of the night go to Mickie James. Of course, in her hometown, she had to eat the pinfall. Lame. At least it happened after the new sweet finisher of Melina, a leg-drop to split variation of the DDT. The commentators were really getting on my nerves, from Lawler's insistance that someone as boring as Paul London could be the culprit in the McMahon bombing, to the validated statement that Lashley and King Booker had never wrestled before.

It makes me want to go check their claim that Foley hadn't been in a singles match on "Raw" in seven years. What most irked me was how both of them kept calling King Booker, Booker T. "SmackDown!" did a great job in associating Booker with his new gimmick and letting us know that this wasn't just a flash in the pan thing. That helped position King Booker in a place where he could win a World Title. On "Raw", he's a contender, but the commentators can't even get his name right.

It just goes to show how clusterfucked things are, because the guys who are paid to put the stuff over can't even remember what's going on. WWE needs to stop all this flash in the pan booking, so that matches that should mean something when they happen, actually can. The fact that WWE gave away an inevitable Cena/Orton confrontation for free on "Raw" still baffles me.

Lastly, and not least, whether Stephanie is looking plump or not, I'd still hit it. Actually, I'd rather have her go down on me, that way I'd be assured that I wouldn't have to hear her talk. To make it fair, I'd return the favor. That way I can let all you readers know, exactly how "tasteless" the McMahons truly are.

More on This Story...

From the Vault: Lugerman

It's my birthday and I'll post what I want to... The following is a parody of Eminem's "Superman." It was originally posted on 3/28/03, the week before WrestleMania XIX which featured the last Rock/Austin showdown as well as Lesnar/Angle.

Mmmhh
You high baby?
Cause you are gonna have to be for this one
You want me to tell you somethin?
Too Bad, Listen Anyways
I know what you wanna hear...



I know you want me back
I want to come back too
I know you love me baby
I think I love you too
I'm here to save this thing
Let me back in the ring
Ratings will grow I tell you
Let my return unfurl
You know you want me baby,
You know I want you too,
They call me Lugerman,
I'm here to rescue you,
I wanna save you fans,
Here's Flexy Lexy's Plan...

They call me Lugerman
Leapfrog Flair in a single bound
I'm out of work now
Got no ring to bump in now
Cause WWA doesn't really count
In the scheme of things
Even though it's got Sting
A WWE Ring
It makes me sing
Lugerman here to say Bling Bling
You can jump on Luger's Dingaling
Shoot from the hip
Cut to the chase
I'll tell Hulk Hogan to his face
No Political Games
Based on Names
ever since I heard smarks say workrate
I'm a different man
Get on my back
I'll grab your face
You'll feel my rack
Take the forearm
Take your bumps flat
Total Package gonna whoop your ass
You won't sell, I'll make you sell
I won't sell?, Hey, oh well...
That's just swell, far as I can tell
You Job to me or GO TO HELL
Am I over enough to main event
It doesn't matter, go get bent
What you don't like hearing lexy vent
I'll get with your bitch and pitch a tent
The one thing about this rhyme
WWE signs names all the time
Saturday through Sunday Monday
This Sunday why not mine
It's Wrestlemania time
Wouldn't I be a nice suprise
I bulked up specifically to catch Vince's eye

Cause I can't be your Lugerman
Can't be your Lugerman
Can't be your Lugerman,
Can't be your Lugerman,
I can't be your Lugerman,
Can't be your Lugerman,
Can't be your Lugerman,
Your Lugerman, your Lugerman...

Don't get me wrong,
I love The Rock
It's no secret,
I want to suck his cock
Can't we fuck?
Stone Cold says what?
That's the way a good catch phrase goes,
It's not the end,
I'll be back again,
I'll go to every indy show scouts attend,
Never know what kind of shape i'll be in,
That's how I plan to get to the fed,
Vince has to want me back,
I love Triple H,
I could be in that stable with him and Naitch,
Batista disappeared without trace,
And Randy Orton is hurt,
Oh hell you put me in the place of Kurt,
I could work Brock Lesnar oh,
On the biggest stage of them all a sold out show
Wrestlmania Ten wasn't that long ago
I headlined then and jobbed to Yoko
The one thing about this rhyme
WWE signs names all the time
Saturday through Sunday Monday
This Sunday why not mine
It's Wrestlemania time
Wouldn't I be a nice suprise
I bulked up specifically to catch Vince's eye

Please Let Me Be Your Lugerman
Let me be your Lugerman
One more time your Lugerman
Your Lugerman, Your Lugerman More on This Story...

PWI Reporter's Notebook

Each week, Pro Wrestling Illustrated senior writer Brady Hicks provides his insights into the world of professional wrestling for you to study. He can be reached by e-mail at bradyhicks@gmail.com. ***

I still have an hour of Raw to watch, an hour of ECW to watch, and last week's entire SmackDown on tape waiting for me. And I really need to get those done before iMPACT tomorrow night, otherwise I'm going to be running out of room on my three VHS tapes. Thank god there's no more Wrestling Society X, right? No - I mean seriously.

Such is the lonely life of a PWI reporter.

It's still not as bad as back in the day when I had 16-1/2 hours to contend with between WWF, WCW, ECW, and local programming that took up hours on end. I mean, have you ever in your entire life HAD to sit through an entire three hour taping of Thunder just in the event that WCW might be planning something original, different, or - at the very least - worthy of writing about?

Didn't think so.

You wrestling fans today have it easy. You complain because you don't like John Cena (the most important champion since The Rock or Steve Austin). You complain because you don't like the particular creative direction that this week's watered down ECW show has taken or you aren't happy that Snitsky is now a monster or you don't even care if Batista learned a new move this week. And does it matter the slightest?

No.

Because Triple-H is no longer raping Katie Vick. Because we don't have to sit through two years of Sting dressing up like the Crow and doing nothing week after week only to come back and appear to conspire with Bret Hart to screw Hulk Hogan out of the title. You don't have the Bushwackers. You don't have preliminary wrestlers main eventing your Saturday Morning Superstars. You don't have Sean Mooney to bitch about.

I think you should all be kissing Vince McMahon's ass for keeping wrestling from returning to what it used to be. I'd take MVP any day of the week over Earthquake's Damian pancakes.

***

To the mailbag Batman:

Tim writes: WWE needs to protect this guy [Lashley] from the wrath of the smarks, cause he's on his way down Batista Boulevard to John Cena Drive.

Dear Tim: And would that be such a bad thing? I hope for Lashley's sake he is one-sixteenth as successful as John Cena or Batista. That would automatically make him more important than Chris Benoit. Wait a minute. He might be more important as we stand now! More on This Story...

Examining McMahon's Megastar Mentality

In a similar vein to anyone who is a fan of professional wrestling, Vince McMahon views his product and finds certain individuals, which he marks for.

In the almost 25 years that McMahon has been in charge of WWE, he seems to have come to a conclusion that the in-ring product itself is not the determining factor in what makes a superstar.

The main point for arguing his case would be the 1980's where Hulk Hogan, production values, and merchandising sent the World Wrestling Federation on a meteoric rise, integrating sports entertainment with pop-culture and the mainstream, while the NWA, their top competitor, always took a back seat despite having Ric Flair and a superior in-ring product.

Regardless of what method greater pads promoter's pocketbooks, wrestling fans today expect a mixture of both the glitz and glamour of sports entertainment and the art of professional wrestling. For the most part these two vastly different concepts exist in harmony in the unbelievable world of professional wrestling. However, it is inevitable that on occasion the two collide, and when they do, it's an all-out war.

Many fans cringed when Hulk Hogan made his way into the tradition-rich WCW and defeated Ric Flair in his first match. They can't argue however that Hogan's presence helped spawn the organization's most successful business period. That match occurred thirteen years ago, and today's fans have chosen new generals. For the sports entertainment faithful, that man is John Cena. For the fans of great wrestling, it has been Chris Benoit.

When the WWE made a decision to have “SmackDown!”'s United States Champion rendezvous on “Raw” for a night, they likely did not understand the implications of this match to fans. In Vince McMahon's eyes, John Cena is the megastar of the future. Benoit on the otherhand is an expendable superstar whose day in the sun was not as lucrative as McMahon would have liked.

In the creation and sustentation of a WWE "Megastar," there is no sacrifice too great.

Perhaps in one moment, "The Masterpeice" Chris Masters was thought of as a potential megastar based on his tremendous size and serviceable charisma. No matter to the fact that he was dangerous in the ring, breaking the nose of a great worker like Steven Richards with a double-axehandle blow. Masters may indeed have been the future of the business.

That is until the WWE exercised a new Wellness Policy, and Master's push vanished along with his muscles. Master's career has been ill fated ever since, as mere technicalities with Ron Simmons and a soldier in Iraq are all that have kept any legitimacy to his "Masterlock Challenge."

In recent weeks it seems that the WWE has had a change of opinion. Masters has rebuilt himself into the muscular juggernaut Vince adored in the first place. Suddenly, he is receiving plenty of TV time on the road to WrestleMania to reestablish the Masterlock. In past years men in the same position have gotten convincing wins at Mania and found themselves in main event title feuds by SummerSlam.

This was not to be for Masters however, as Masters himself was just a tool in the building of the man Vince truly views as the next WWE Megastar, Bobby Lashley. Despite being referred to as "my man" and "Lindsay", Lashley has certainly received a tremendous rub from his position in the McMahon/Trump feud. While his title and brand have been devalued, Lashley, himself, has not.

It just goes to show that the WWE has no problem in breaking continuity, giving weak payoffs to long-running storylines, or cutting the legs out from under a favorite (office or fan favorite) in order to establish the guy that they see dollar signs on.

In reference to the breaking of the Masterlock this past Monday Night on “Raw”, Why do you put anything over for two years to simply toss it aside with no feud, no payoff, nothing. Chris Masters' identity was lost as an accessory of a storyline he is not even involved in. Some view his loss as a positive new beginning and a chance to move on. Regardless of the popularity of the Masterlock Challenge, after being fed 5-10 minute segments weekly for two years, Masters and the WWE fans deserved more from it's inevitable "breaking".

Masters was not the only casuality left on the road to WrestleMania. The same night, WWE promoted a "Reversal of Fortunes" set of matches. When it was announced that John Cena would face one of Shawn Michaels former WrestleMania opponents, fans popped for the idea of Akeem, Pat Tanaka, The Barbarian, Haku, Tito Santana, or Tatanka returning to face the "Dr. of Thuganomics." Ok, maybe they didn't. In reality, the only legitimate option was Benoit.

Earlier in the night, Shawn Michaels had a verbal showdown with former Cena opponent, John "Justin Hawk Blackjack Bradshaw" Leyfield, or JJHBBL for short. JBL is an interesting superstar, as after years of languishing in the midcard, Leyfield was repackaged due to his vast knowledge of investments.

He committed some fantastic "smark sins" along the way to the WWE championship which include being pushed way too fast and taking the world title off of long time smark favorite Eddie Guerrero. A DVD release of the longest WWE title reign in ten years would not exactly be filled with a list of classic matches, either. Still, his ability to establish himself as an incredibly believable heel, despite his large stature, and his fantastic mic skills were enough to win many fans over to the side of JBL.

Some were disappointed when constant backpain and a lack of bladder control prevented JBL's return, despite the fact that he too would have only been an accessory of a bland Shawn Michaels/John Cena storyline.

Unfortunately for Benoit, there was nothing that would be able to save him from the same fate that the Tag Team titles have currently in the WWE title feud. Benoit, a former World Heavyweight Champion, current U.S. Champion, and darling to anyone that appreciates workrate and wrestling ability was about to become an accessory to the John Cena/Shawn Michaels storyline.

In the aftermath, smart fans are outraged. How did the man who represents everything they stand in opposition of defeat their hero with a submission move? Those with short memory spans may forget another essential battle in the war between sports entertainment vs. professional wrestling.

By the time Chris Benoit made his way to the WWE along with the Radicalz in 2000, he was a former WCW World Heavyweight Champion and a legit superstar. Benoit's rise was a bit surprising, as he is easily as vanilla a character as Lashley is currently. The fact that he was over is a testament not only to his wrestling ability, but the fans passion to watch great wrestling as well. Upon his arrival, the WWE already had two legitimate megastars, with others in the making.

The WWE is on one of it's hottest streaks at this time, and established tag teams are being jobbed out to Megastars in handicapped matches, the glass ceiling that men like Benoit, Jericho, and Guerrero left WCW over still seems to exist in the WWE, and often as the best workers in the company, they make the perfect accessories in storylines involving megastars.

One of these megastars was "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Austin's place in the war of sports entertainment VS. professional wrestling is significant, as Austin's battles were internal. As "Stunning" Steve, Austin showed all the promise of the next hot commodity in the early 90's world of WCW.

With his long flowing locks, Austin's workrate was tremendous and he was consistently having fantastic matches. When Eric Bischoff felt he couldn't market a great wrestler in black tights and black boots, he famously fired an injured Austin via FedEx.

Upon his entrance into the WWE, Austin was named "The Ringmaster," an obvious allusion to his ability in the ring. However, as Austin's popularity soared, his in-ring offering decreased. This is not to say that he wasn't having great, classic matches. However, when Austin and McMahon noticed how a punch, kick, and stomp was receiving a greater reaction than a majority of moves in Austin's extensive arsenal, he began to use fewer and fewer of them. Eventually Austin's reputation as a brawler overtook his reputation as a fantastic wrestler.

Chris Benoit made his way through the ranks of the WWE, and an epic clash with Austin was inevitable. "The Rabid Wolverine" was riding the gimmick that he was the best wrestler in the world, and who could argue? During a confrontation, Benoit scoffed at Austin's reputation as a brawler, and the two were scheduled in a pure-wrestling match the next week on Monday Night “Raw”.

In events that unfolded similarly to this past Monday's match with John Cena, Benoit entered the ring with only a short amount of time left until “Raw” was off the air for the night. After a few short minutes, Austin booted Benoit square in the gut and dropped him with the Stone Cold Stunner for the three count. A bloated Jim Ross got up out of his chair and proclaimed that Austin had beaten Benoit with the Stone Cold Stunner, a wrestling move!

To a pure wrestling fan, the mere notion was a travesty. Austin had long forsaken wrestling in that regard. In a match that was gimmicked to give Benoit the advantage and could have positioned him as a serious main event heel, the WWE instead decided to bury both Benoit and the idea of "wrestling" in around five minutes.

Still, there is something special about Chris Benoit. Something that carried him through that defeat and will carry him through the one he suffered to John Cena. For whatever reason, no matter what the WWE does, they can't put Benoit under.

With rumors floating inconsistently that Benoit will not be resigning with the WWE and may either retire or take a final tour of duty in Orlando, the WWE has attempted to get as much out of him, while downplaying to fans the fact that he is truly a big time superstar. Whether because of age, size, charisma, or any other factor, it is apparent that the WWE does not view Chris Benoit in the same light as they view current WWE champion John Cena.

Now, with Benoit's submission loss to John Cena, the fastest growing professional wrestling site is abuzz with the concept that certain people should not tap out. Names mentioned include Benoit and Bret "Hitman" Hart. While both of these men are submission specialists, I would disagree with the latter, as Bret Hart's reputation is certainly not that of a tough guy. Just because he perfects his own submission moves is no relation to his resistance of them. Some complain that he tapped to a guy like Lex Luger. Regardless of his workrate, Lex Luger's torture rack would have been an established submission hold for at least 10 years by that point.

Benoit is a better fit for the persona of a guy who would never tap, but I disagree that any wrestler who's gimmick isn't that of a no-selling monster should be immune from a submission loss, no matter how good they are at applying submission moves themselves. WWE fans are willing to have a sense of disbelief more often than not.

However, if you ever wrestle around with your buddies and neither guy wants to lose, it's relatively impossible to hold their shoulders down for three seconds. Making them quit to a painful submission move is a far more realistic finish, as either they are protecting themselves to fight another day, or the pain is just too excruciating and there is truly no way out of the hold.

Ever since Steve Austin passed out in the Sharpshooter at WrestleMania 13 there has always been a stigma to tapping out. Triple H waited what seemed like an eternity before finally tapping out at WrestleMania XX to Benoit. Kanyon questioned whether or not he took any heat for it, and he most certainly did by receiving "you tapped out" chants in the aftermath, but as Kanyon presumed, those chants were short lived.

Since that time, it appears that the WWE has tried to again legitimize the use of submission moves through guys like Benoit and Kurt Angle, because of the popularity of mixed martial arts.

An aside on Kanyon being the innovator of tapping, while I will not dispute that he was the first wrestler to lose a decision because of tapping out, I will say that that finish had to have been very confusing to wrestling fans at the time. With MMA fighting still largely flying under the mainstream radar, professional wrestlers had been tapping out for years. They weren't using it as an indication of submission, but rather a vehicle to sell how painful the moves were.

Pop in a DVD and you will see many superstars tapping out to Bret Hart, Ric Flair, Sting, Rick Martel, and any other star of that era who had a submission finisher in which their opponent laid on the mat. This could be very confusing to a newer fan watching classic wrestling matches. I think I actually witnessed that Kanyon match and had no idea what the hell was going on based on my wrestling fan conditioning at the time.

I am not sure that Benoit tapping to a main-event-level star is necessarily worth a great storyline and a pay per view match, although it undoubtedly couldn't hurt. The reason I say this is that Benoit tapping is not something that has been protected for the duration of his WWE run.

I believe The Rock, Brock Lesnar, and Kurt Angle have made Benoit tap. One or two might have even made him tap to the crossface. Still, Benoit tapping is at least deserving of a great lengthy match, as Benoit's gritty persona screams that he would never give up until he is either exhausted or finds no other alternative.

One booking suggestion was involving MVP in the decision, as he is Benoit's U.S. title opponent at WrestleMania 23. Of course, this brings us back to the Megastar VS. Superstar concept, as this match was not ever supposed to be about Benoit or the US title in the eyes of WWE.

It was to be used as a vehicle for further legitimizing John Cena, in the same vein as the other major stars who have made Benoit tap in the past. However, here is an alternate booking idea. With the drama on commentary not being centered around the match at all, and rather being centered around when Michaels is going to deliver "Sweet Chin Music" to Cena, why not incorporate Michaels into the match rather than waiting until the match is over for his involvement.

Michaels levels Benoit and we are left to wonder who the kick was intended for in the first place. This seems to me a much better way to save face for Benoit and advance the storyline.

The main thing wrong with the way it played out is that it does nothing for either story. He also brings up a valid point about the STFU.

The STF is nothing to mess with, and is a reputable hold that has brought Masahiro Chono many victories, and Erik Watts significantly less victories. Cena's quick execution of the hold provides a great pop from the crowd, but the crossface he applies is pathetic, and it's amazing to me that the WWE agents would let any major star tap out to it, until they make Cena look more convincing while applying it.

Vince McMahon and the WWE don't take any consideration for these things, because the only things that Vince cares about is the preservation of sports entertainment, the downplaying of wrestling in his product, and the creation of money-making megastars.

As someone who often comes to the defense of John Cena in the face of constant bashing online, I must admit that even I cringed when the decision of the Cena/Benoit match was a submission victory. It's easy to understand the intent of the WWE, wanting to add dimension to their current "golden boy."

No doubt, having a superstar like Benoit tap out would legitimize the STFU, however, in this case the backlash is greater than the result. That is because the WWE didn't give Cena and Benoit enough time to build a match in which that scenario was believable.

This is all just another win for the WWE and sports entertainment in their campaign to bury traditional professional wrestling. In addition, it is a evidence of the company's indifference to the undercard. Fans like us have been complaining about this ever since Al Gore invented the internet. The WWE has the ability to do whatever they want at their leisure, until fans show them their decisions are incorrect by tuning out. All of us who disagreed with last Monday's finish, regardless of the reason, are in Vince McMahon's back pocket.

We are the one's blogging, buying DVDs, and we will be watching “Raw” this Monday and purchasing Wrestlemania regardless. Vince is trying to appeal to the ones he hasn't already hooked, and he knows that first and foremost. How he accomplishes that by putting Lance Storm in the ring week after week and having Steve Austin come out and tell the fans it's boring, I'll never understand.

A testament however to the legacy of the business and guys like Chris Benoit is, even new fans being assimilated by the current anti-wrestling, pro-sports entertainment product tend to form a respect and appreciation of great wrestling matches. That fact will always protect a hard worker who gives 100% and lays everything out on the line every single night, regardless of how crappy the booking is.

No matter what Vince McMahon does, no matter what he thinks, no matter who he pushes, and no matter what he books, there are some megastars he has had no say in the creation of, and some guys he can never bury.

More on This Story...