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Monday, June 25, 2007

Those Tasteless McMahons

As far as being tasteless, sometimes I think WWE gets a bum rap for trying to do things that every other major media outlet is doing.

Maybe it's because they marketed their product so hard to kids in the 80's. Maybe it's because they are seen as a lesser form of entertainment. However, TV shows and movies deal with the concept of a character dying all the time, with no backlash. Would the "Sopranos" be suddenly seen as tasteless if their Key Grip guy died?

The problem with the Vince McMahon death angle is not that it's tasteless. It's that it's uninteresting, which is a shame considering they just killed off an incredibly OVER character who has been the focal point of the show for the past ten years.

The reason it is uninteresting is because fans smell the shit they are about to be fed from a mile away. An angle like this deserves a huge payoff, but WWE has no aces up its sleeve.

Remember when The Undertaker was answering to a higher power? Fans speculated that it might be Jake Roberts, Ted Dibiase or even that possibly Owen Hart's death was untrue and he could be the higher power. Instead, we got Vince McMahon.

What about when Stone Cold was run down in the parking lot? Logical sense pointed directly to The Rock. Having Austin VS. a fresh Heel Rock and the Angle/HHH/Stephanie love triangle going on simultaneously could have propelled WWE to new heights. Instead, WWE didn't want to lose The Rock's T-Shirt revenue, so Rikishi was found to be the one driving the car. Rikishi? Please...

How can anyone forget about the WCW "Who was driving the hummer?" angle. Oh, what's that? You forgot? Well, it's probably because they never answered the question. I am just going to assume that whoever they found that blew up this limo was also driving that hummer. I am hoping it is Kenny Dykstra, because he wouldn't have even had a Driver's License then.

Professional wrestling has a history of ending these storylines in the most uninteresting way possible. Not to mention that Triple H was lifted in a car in a crane and dropped 40 feet, and came back to wrestle a week later in what Jim Ross described as "a miracle." The true miracle was that no charges were pressed against Steve Austin who had obviously attempted to kill the man the week before. Hulk Hogan and The Giant squared off in a monster truck sumo match on the top of a building. The Giant was pushed off and came back to wrestle that night.

Wrestling fans know that WWE has about 200 ways to just shrug this off. And who are the interesting suspects? Mick Foley? Bobby Lashley? Please. About the best payoff you could muster would be Degeneration X was playing a prank that went a little overboard. Imagine the looks on HBK and HHH's face as they shrug their shoulders and say 'oops'. Then the crowd pops as they crotch chop into the night.

With the concept of an FBI investigation surrounding the case, anyone who is responsible would likely be taken off TV for some time, having to go to court and eventually jail. That will not happen however, as the suspect will be guilty without trial, and some wrestler will choose to get his revenge in the ring, rather than through federal 'pound me in the ass' prison time.

In the end, it's pretty obvious to me that Vince will have indeed faked his own death, and Stephanie will turn babyface, distraught that her dad could pull such a horrible stunt. Shane will be mad at Stephanie, distraught that his dad could raise such a horrible cunt.

If anything is worthwhile about this angle, it's that it has the wrestling world talking, something that we haven't had a chance to do much, unless it's over distaste about pulling things out of Jim Ross' ass or incessant John Cena bashing. Still, the Vince McMahon presumed death is to most fans just "WrestleCrap" waiting to happen. The most unfortunate thing about the angle is what it is doing to the talent on each brand.

The most unfortunate thing about the angle is what it is doing to the talent on each brand. Last night, WWE showed a highlight clip of Cade and Murdoch screwing the Hardys out of the tag team titles. With the brands seemingly once again divided with clear lines, Matt Hardy won't be able to show up on "Raw" to get his revenge. Oh, scratch that, he can show up on "Raw" all he wants if they win the tag titles at Vengeance. I'd rather see Dave Taylor come over and win them with Regal myself. I digress.

London and Kendrick were about as mediocre looking as could be on "Raw", wrestling the World's Greatest Tag Team. When I was predicting what would be on "Raw", saying that Bobby Lashley would squash Daivari and Umaga would squash The Sandman, I wanted to include that London and Kendrick would squash WGTT, but I left it out because I would have assumed that the actual match would at least be entertaining. It wasn't really.

If you are WGTT, why do you unleash your new gear on a night you are inevitably jobbing? Every time these guys give me something to get excited about, it turns out that there is absolutely nothing to be excited about. I can't believe that the guy that beat Triple H on "Raw" a few years back is now one half of "Raw"'s most infamous jobber tag team. Weak. It's strange how London and Kendrick came off as really being something special on "SmackDown!", and are just an afterthought on "Raw". The crowd fizzled after the team's victory. They really do seem out of place, and I'd love to see them go to "SmackDown!" or ECW.

The Sandman is also obviously out of place on "Raw", but at least he got a pop. The funny thing is, many think WWE ressurected ECW to snuff out any remaining ECW chants, by associating those letters with a vastly different product. Ironically, The Sandman probably got more ECW chants on "Raw" than the whole ECW show will get Tuesday Nights on the Sci-Fi channel. Funny how he should be in the ECW element, but he is probably more significant on another brand, as he can really bear the ECW flag when not held back by ECW.

I want to say how refreshing it was to hear the biggest pop of the night go to Mickie James. Of course, in her hometown, she had to eat the pinfall. Lame. At least it happened after the new sweet finisher of Melina, a leg-drop to split variation of the DDT. The commentators were really getting on my nerves, from Lawler's insistance that someone as boring as Paul London could be the culprit in the McMahon bombing, to the validated statement that Lashley and King Booker had never wrestled before.

It makes me want to go check their claim that Foley hadn't been in a singles match on "Raw" in seven years. What most irked me was how both of them kept calling King Booker, Booker T. "SmackDown!" did a great job in associating Booker with his new gimmick and letting us know that this wasn't just a flash in the pan thing. That helped position King Booker in a place where he could win a World Title. On "Raw", he's a contender, but the commentators can't even get his name right.

It just goes to show how clusterfucked things are, because the guys who are paid to put the stuff over can't even remember what's going on. WWE needs to stop all this flash in the pan booking, so that matches that should mean something when they happen, actually can. The fact that WWE gave away an inevitable Cena/Orton confrontation for free on "Raw" still baffles me.

Lastly, and not least, whether Stephanie is looking plump or not, I'd still hit it. Actually, I'd rather have her go down on me, that way I'd be assured that I wouldn't have to hear her talk. To make it fair, I'd return the favor. That way I can let all you readers know, exactly how "tasteless" the McMahons truly are.

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